The Satirical Political Report

On Jason Collins, Gay Bashers Trot Out Despicable Bestiality Argument

Don Davis — Wed, 01 May 2013 15:02:11 +0000

Pat Robertson

“ONCE YOU ALLOW GAY ATHLETES INTO THE LOCKER ROOM, HOW DO YOU JUSTIFY KEEPING ANIMALS OUT OF THE KENTUCKY DERBY?”

GOP Modifies Opposition to Gay Marriage, Makes Exception for 7 Foot Black Men

Don Davis — Mon, 29 Apr 2013 18:50:51 +0000

“IF THERE ONE THING WE HOLD EVEN MORE SACRED THAN TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE, IT’S THE TRADITION OF SELF-PRESERVATION, AND NOT GETTING SLAM DUNKED!”

Barbara Bush Disses The ‘Four Families,’ in Favor of The ‘Five Families’

Don Davis — Sun, 28 Apr 2013 22:07:32 +0000

“ENOUGH WITH MY WIMPY HUSBAND AND SONS; WE NEED SOMEONE WHO WILL MAKE THE COUNTRY AN OFFER THEY CAN’T REFUSE.”

Forget Chechens, Rand Paul Seeks to Deport ‘Czech Brothers’

Don Davis — Wed, 24 Apr 2013 02:43:48 +0000

“AFTER THE BOSTON MARATHON BOMBING, WE REALLY HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO DEPORT THESE TWO WILD AND CRAZY GUYS, SINCE UNDER THE SECOND AMENDMENT, WE CAN’T EVEN CHECK FOR GUNS OR BOMBS UNDER THEIR BIG BULGES.”

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Mark Karlin on the long track record of Christian killing and extremism.

Media Hails Sender of ‘Ricin Letters’ For ‘Bipartisanship’

Don Davis — Thu, 18 Apr 2013 14:54:34 +0000

“Look, anyone who can send ricin-laced letters to both Barack Obama and a right-wing Senator such as Roger Wicker of Mississippi, is really showing the American people how we can overcome politics to get things done.”

Forget Howard University, Rand Paul Really Goes ‘Old School’ at Hispanic College

Don Davis — Sat, 13 Apr 2013 03:39:55 +0000

“WHILE YOU USUALLY BLAME REPUBLICANS FOR BEING ANTI-HISPANIC, YOU MAY NOT KNOW THAT IT WAS A DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENT, JAMES POLK, WHO WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR REALLY KICKING YOUR ASS AND TAKING YOUR LAND IN THE FIRST PLACE.”

Story here.

Who Says Rutgers’ Mike Rice Won’t Get Another Coaching Gig?

Don Davis — Sat, 06 Apr 2013 01:58:24 +0000

“NOT ONLY DO OUR STARVING PEOPLE NEED MORE ‘RICE’ … BUT HIS TRAINING TECHNIQUES REFLECT THE WAY WE TREAT ALL OUR CITIZENS.”

Stephen Colbert’s ‘Word of Everyday’, to Aid Sister’s Campaign

Don Davis — Wed, 03 Apr 2013 03:07:54 +0000

“TRAIL”

“REMEMBER, NATION, IF YOU HAPPEN TO SEE MARK SANFORD ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL, ASK HIM HOW IT FEELS TO BE TRAILING MY SISTER, AND WHETHER HE PLANS TO KEEP UP HIS ENERGY BY SNACKING ON TRAIL MIX. “

What the Court’s Conservatives REALLY Think About Gay Marriage

Don Davis — Thu, 28 Mar 2013 01:51:12 +0000

“WHAT I’M REALLY CONCERNED ABOUT IS ADOPTION BY GAYS; AREN’T THERE SOCIOLOGICAL STUDIES SHOWING THAT WHEN WE TRIED INTERRACIAL ADOPTION, WE JUST ENDED UP WITH BAD TELEVISION.”

“SHOULDN’T WE GO SLOW, AND HAVE AT LEAST 25 YEARS OF GAY PORN ON THE INTERNET BEFORE LEGALIZING GAY MARRIAGE? I’M NOT EVEN SURE THERE ARE CELL PHONE APPS FOR THAT YET.”

“I JUST WOKE UP AND HEARD JUSTICE GINSBURG SAY SOMETHING ABOUT ‘SKIM MILK.’ TELL ME COUNSELOR, HAVE YOU EVER SEEN PUBIC HAIR ON A CARTON OF SKIM MILK?”

FOX News Hits New Low in Distorting Obama’s Israel Speech

Don Davis — Fri, 22 Mar 2013 12:29:40 +0000

Can you believe it, that an American President actually told the Israeli people: “Ich bin ein Berliner.”