“WOLF, UNDER THIS ARGUMENT, BUSH AND CHENEY HAVE ALREADY DESTROYED THE CONSTITUTION, SO HOW CAN THEY POSSIBLY RELY ON THAT SAME CONSTITUTION TO CLING TO POWER?”

“WE ALWAYS WANTED TO VOTE DEMOCRATIC — WE JUST COULDN’T FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET TO EARTH UNTIL WOLF BLITZER HELPED US OUT.”

CNN’s Jessica Yellin appears live as a hologram before anchor Wolf Blitzer Tuesday night in New York. 

“A SPOKEPERSON FOR SENATOR McCAIN CLAIMS THAT A VERY, VERY TALL BLACK MAN ATTACKED THE GIRAFFE MASCOT AND CARVED A BACKWARDS ‘R’ ON HIS SIGN — IN ORDER TO SEND THE MESSAGE THAT THE REPUBLICANS ARE ASS-BACKWARDS. ”

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More on McCain’s Follies with Madkane’s McPettiness Express.

“WOLF, OUR INTERNAL POLLING SHOWS WE DO VERY WELL WITH FROOT LOOPS AND FROSTED FLAKES.”