“YOUR HONOR, IF THIS PROSECUTION PROCEEDS ANY FURTHER, I’LL GIVE ORDERS TO SABOTAGE ALL CONDOMS PURCHASED WITH A VISA OR MASTERCARD, WHICH WILL NOT ONLY RESULT IN THE LARGEST LEAK IN HISTORY, BUT DOUBLE THE WORLD’S POPULATION IN FIVE YEARS.”

The Reaction with the story.

In his most ambitious effort yet to pull back the curtain on  establishment ‘sacred cows,’ WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange has now gone after God, by dumping more than 250,000 ‘ethereal messages’ from the Almighty, which has cast the Lord in a somewhat less than holy light.

Burning a hole in religious dogma worthy of the Sun, God’s private messages contain his shocking admission that he did not actually create the World — let alone in the storied six days of Genesis. Other documents establish that God is not only not the Master of the Universe, but that he can not even claim to be the Master of His Own Domain.

Other stunning revelations include God’s use of angels to spy on everybody, all the time — collecting such personal information as credit card numbers and bank account and email passwords — which provides a more mundane explanation for the Holy Spirit’s reputation as “all-knowing and all-seeing.”

The heavenly document dump also reveals that while God publicly proclaims that he is on board with the War Against the Devil, God has been secretly supplying Satan with fire and pitchforks.

Other scandalous material shows that God is not only estranged from his own son, Jesus, but has sought to escape the pain of such family dysfunction by smoking dope with Afghan President Hamid Karzai.

But while the religiously observant have been largely mortified by these disclosures, some have taken solace from perhaps God’s most surprising revelation: that even Mohammed wants to bomb Iran.

“IT’S ALL TRUE! WHEN THE SAUDIS TELL US TO GO GIT-R-DONE AND BOMB I-RAN, BUT THAT IDIOT DUBYA  GOES AND INVADES I-RAQ,  IT’S TIME TO  LET EVERYBODY KNOW I’M PREPARED TO TAKE A REAL LEAK … AND A DUMP,  ON THE BOY KING AB-DULLER.”

“BILL, I THINK THIS ONE’S FOR YOU. NO, I DON’T KNOW WHO IT IS, BUT JUST TELL THEM YOUR FOUNDATION IS PREPARED TO MAKE A SUBSTANTIAL DONATION TO THEIR COUNTRY … IF THEY PROMISE NEVER TO CALL ME AGAIN.”

“ALRIGHT, GET THE WIKIPLUMBERS TOGETHER.  WE’LL PLANT INFORMATION TO SHOW THAT SONUVABITCH JULIAN ASSANGE IS A WICCAN, AND THEN SEND B-52 BOMBERS TO PUT WIKILEAKISTAN BACK TO THE DIAL-UP INTERNET AGE.”

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P.M. Carpenter at BuzzFlash on WikiLeaks’ Contribution to Obama’s Inevitable Choice.

Lisa Casey on the GOP Afghan line.