“KEITH, WE THINK ‘THE CANDIDATE OBAMA’ HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED BY THE REBEL GROUP KNOWN AS THE ‘CLINTONISTAS,’ AND THAT SOMEHOW RAHM EMANUEL IS IMPERSONATING BOTH THE PRESIDENT AND THE SECRET SERVICE.”

Lisa Casey on Guess Who Came to a WH Breakfast?

“THE PRESIDENT IS CLEARLY ENTITLED TO A CLOAK OF CONFIDENTIALITY, CONCERNING WHETHER HE’S BEING FED ANY WARMED-OVER LEFTOVERS FROM THE LAST ADMINISTRATION.”

“SIMPLY AMAZING. THEIR NAME SOUNDS ARABIC, THEY HAVEN’T EVEN BEEN BORN, YET THERE SEEMS TO BE PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE THAT THEY WORSHIP AT TEMPLE EMANUEL.”

“PUT YOURSELF IN OUR POSITION. WE DON’T WANT TO RUIN OUR HARD-EARNED REPUTATION.”

“IF THERE’S ANYBODY WHO CAN RECTIFY THE EGREGIOUS MISTAKES OF THE BUSH-CHENEY ADMINISTRATION, AND ACTUALLY GET TO OSAMA BIN LADEN IN HIS HIDDEN CAVE, IT HAS TO BE MICHAELE SALAHI, WHO CAN CLAIM SHE’S MERELY ONE OF BIN LADEN‘S 49 REAL HOUSEWIVES.”

“SALAHI? A GOOD ARAB NAME, AND SHE BRINGS HER OWN CAMERA CREW. YES, SEND HER IN, MAYBE WE CAN GET OUR OWN REALITY SHOW.”

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Lisa Casey on the Real White House Party Crashers.

Jon Perr’s Perrspective: Michael Moore’s Afghanistan Letter Rewrites History of Obama Campaign.

“WE JUST HAD TO BE PART OF TIGER’S EXCITING NEW REALITY SHOW: ‘SWAP ICONIC GOD-LIKE STATUS FOR GETTING CLUBBED BY YOUR WIFE‘.”

“DON’T BE PLEASED TO MEET THEM, CAN’T YOU GUESS THEIR NAME.”

“WHILE THE INVESTIGATION CONTINUES, THE JURY IS STILL OUT AS TO WHETHER THE CHENEYS WERE PLANNING AN ACTUAL COUP, OR WERE JUST AUDITIONING FOR THE NEW REALITY SHOW, ‘THE REAL DICKHEADS OF WASHINGTON’.”