“SENATOR, I’M GOING TO PUT UP A PICTURE OF YOU FROM THE 2000 CAMPAIGN, WHERE YOU APPEARED TO BE A RELATIVELY SANE PERSON. … WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?”

10. I’d like to try a ‘Palin-Wink,’ but I’m afraid I just might fall asleep.

9. The way things are going, I feel like crawling into Bill Ayers’ “Underground.”

8. Glad I’m not running against Hillary, ’cause then I’d have to attack TV icon Marlo Thomas.

7. I just pray my adult diaper can hold all the shit I’m churning out.

6. If I see any of my old Navy girlfriends in the audience, remember to thank them for their “service.”

5. I hope Cindy remembered to TIVO those Matlock reruns.

4. Quote Teddy Roosevelt, but don’t mention he kicked my maverick ass out of the “Rough Riders.”

3. Offer Brokaw the job of announcing that I’ve been eaten by Sarah Palin’s wolves.

2. Pretend not to hear, if I’m asked how many dispossessed Americans I can put up in my 13 homes.

1. Find out if they’re still running “To Tell the Truth,” so I can find out if the real John McCain will stand up?

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BLOGWORTHIES:

BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin weighs in on the GOP Jostle for 2012. Do the hustle!

John Oliver of the Daily Show on The Stupid Votes, at One Good Move.

A new test for President, at All Hat No Cattle.

Dan Kurtzman with the That One Humor.

Juan Cole on McCain’s Unreal Debate.

“TODAY, GERALD FORD WAS EATEN BY WOLVES, AND I WAS BEATEN INTO SUBMISSION BY FOX NEWS AND THE McCAIN CAMPAIGN, WHO WANTED MSNBC TO RID CHRIS MATTHEWS AND OLBERMANN FROM THE ANCHOR CHAIRS.” 

Story at Huffington Post.