“DUDE, IF ANYONE CLAIMS THEY SLEPT WITH ‘TIGER,’  COULD YOU JUST SUCK IT UP AND TAKE THE HIT FOR ME?”

“GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREAT!”

“I’M JUST PRAYING THAT NIKE COMES OUT WITH THEIR OWN CONDOM, SO I CAN STOP WEARING THIS GODDAMNED HAT WHILE I FUCK.”

“I TOLD YA’, IF TIGER HAD REMAINED FAITHFUL TO HIS ‘ HOLE IN ONE,’ HE COULD HAVE STAYED ON THE DRIVEWAY, OFF THE GREEN AND AVOIDED THE HAZARD OF THE CLUB FACE.”

“THERE HAS TO BE A MIDDLE GROUND BETWEEN WHITE COPS WHO ARE STUPIDLY SEEKING GOLF TIPS, AND THE WORLD’S BEST GOLFER WHO IS MERELY GUILTY OF DRIVING WHILE BLACKED-OUT.”

“IF THE GOLF GLOVES DON’T FIT, YOU MUST ACQUIT.”

“WE JUST HAD TO BE PART OF TIGER’S EXCITING NEW REALITY SHOW: ‘SWAP ICONIC GOD-LIKE STATUS FOR GETTING CLUBBED BY YOUR WIFE‘.”

“SHE COMPLETELY IGNORED MY EXPRESS INSTRUCTIONS, THAT IF MY DRIVING EVER PUT ME OFF THE DRIVEWAY AND INTO THE WOODS,  SHE SHOULD LEAVE MY IRONS ALONE AND JUST WEDGE ME OUT BY GRABBING MY PUTTER.”

“EVEN THOUGH Y.A. IS 82 YEARS OLD, WAS BOWED AND BLOODIED, AND WAS HITTING A FOOTBALL, I JUST COULDN’T GET THE DAMN PUTT THROUGH THE WINDMILL TODAY.”

The real Y.E. Yang upset story here.