“YES, I’VE BEEN A VERY BAD BOY FOR DELIVERING MY CALZONES TO THE WRONG HOUSE, AND NOW IT’S TIME FOR MY SPANKING.”

“AS CURRENTLY CONSTITUTED, NOT ONLY DOES THE LAST HOLE LOOK LIKE BUDDHA, BUT SINCE YOU ALSO LOSE YOUR BALL, THERE’S JUST NO PATH TO REDEMPTION.”

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More on Buddhism and the modern-day Elmer Gantry, at All Hat No Cattle.

 Oh Very DUMB
 Oh very DUMB
 What will you heave up this time
 You're just advancing wingnut Christian Fascist bile
 And though you dream of turning Tiger now
 That will vanish away, like Bill Kristol's WMD ...

 

“IN LIGHT OF HIS PRIMITIVE STATE OF MIND, THE ONLY THING BRIT HUME CAN POSSIBLY BE REINCARNATED AS … IS BILL O’REILLY.”

“WE’VE FINALLY BROKEN OUR OWN VOWS OF SILENCE … JUST TO TELL BRIT HUME TO SHUT THE FUCK UP!”

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Lisa Casey on the  heartless gas bag we’d also like to silence.

“TIGER, WE’RE THE TRUE RELIGION FOR YOU; YOU’LL NEVER AGAIN HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT MAKING A ‘HOLE IN ONE’.”

Video of Brit-the-nitwit at Crooks & Liars.

“VIVA … VIAGRA! FOR AN ERECTION THAT DOES LAST AFTER ‘FORE’ HOURS, AND HELPS YOU SINK YOUR PUTZ.”

“THE NUMEROUS AFFAIRS WITH WOMEN WERE BAD ENOUGH, BUT THE REVELATIONS OF ORAL SEX WITH THE CLOWN ON THE MINIATURE GOLF COURSE MAY PROVE TO BE THE ‘LAST HOLE’ THAT TIGER EVER PLAYS.”

“HOLY SHIT, MUST DRIVE FASTER, GODZILLA CLOSING GROUND.”

Jim Vernon, USGA President

“IF THERE’S ONE THING THAT DISTINGUSHES GOLF AS THE ULTIMATE GENTLEMEN’S SPORT, WHERE HONOR AND INTEGRITY OVERRIDE ALL ELSE, IT’S THAT WE  REQUIRE EVERY MEMBER TO ACCURATELY RECORD THEIR NUMBER OF ‘SCORES’ … EVEN IF NO ONE SEES A ‘WOODS SHOT END UP IN THE BUSHES’.”