“IF THE GOLF GLOVES DON’T FIT, YOU MUST ACQUIT.”

“WE JUST HAD TO BE PART OF TIGER’S EXCITING NEW REALITY SHOW: ‘SWAP ICONIC GOD-LIKE STATUS FOR GETTING CLUBBED BY YOUR WIFE‘.”

“SHE COMPLETELY IGNORED MY EXPRESS INSTRUCTIONS, THAT IF MY DRIVING EVER PUT ME OFF THE DRIVEWAY AND INTO THE WOODS,  SHE SHOULD LEAVE MY IRONS ALONE AND JUST WEDGE ME OUT BY GRABBING MY PUTTER.”