“WE INFORMED MR. PHELPS THAT IN LIGHT OF HIS HUMONGOUS DIET, HE HAD TO WAIT TWO MORE WEEKS BEFORE GOING BACK IN THE POOL.”

“HEY BUDDY, I CAN LOOK INTO YOUR SOUL AND SEE THAT YOU’RE  ALSO A CLUELESS, POWERLESS PUPPET CONTROLLED BY A RUTHLESS MEGALOMANIAC.”

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Lisa Casey has more on the numb-nuts Bush, and Amy Weiss at BuzzFlash with The Diplomat Decathlon: Bush’s Marathon of Olympic Blunders.

And in a similar vein, Countdown with a great summary of the Bush Presidency. 

“I HARDLY THINK SENATOR OBAMA IS QUALIFIED TO DEAL WITH A CRISIS INVOLVING THE CAUCASIAN REGION.”

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Lisa Casey on Beijing Bush.

Olympic Punch Lines, via Dan Kurtzman.

Juan Cole on Mountain of Evidence Marshaled against Musharraf; US Refuses to Back Elected Civilian government.

“AL, THAT MOVE’S NEVER EVEN BEEN TRIED BEFORE — A TRIPLE REVERSE, FOLLOWED BY A DOUBLE TWIST FLIP-FLOP, TOPPED OFF WITH A STRADDLE-BACK AND A HEAD-TUCK UP HIS ASS.”

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BLOGWORTHIES:

Olympic Punch Lines, via Dan Kurtzman.

Will Durst’s Top Ten Events in the Chinese Olympiad.

BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin asks if Cheney Was Behind the Anthrax Attacks.

Madkane’s My “Dear John” Edwards Letter.

Norm Jenson with Thomas Frank on the Colbert Report, making his argument ”that conservatives suck.”

“WE’RE NOT GONNA’ ACTUALLY USE ‘EM IN THE OLYMPICS, BUT TRADE ‘EM TO SAUDI ARABIA FOR SOME MORE OIL.”

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BLOGWORTHIES:

The Obama-McCain Town Hall Meetings That Weren’t: An Opportunity Missed, by P.M. Carpenter at BuzzFlash.

100K Signatures for Impeachment Delivered to Pelosi, at Crooks & Liars.

The Week’s Best Late-Night Jokes, via Dan Kurtzman.

10. Even with your back to the TV, you cringe with recognition of Richard Perle’s voice on Hardball.

9. When your wife starts to play with your family jewels, you say “wait ’till after Bill Maher’s New Rules.”

8. You’ll root against a sports team just because they’re from a Red State.

7. When you ask someone their “sign,” you mean Jesus Fish or Darwin Fish.

6. You use “Picture-in-Picture” to watch Russert and Stephanopoulous.

5. You think the New York Times is really controlled by the Editorial Board of the Wall St. Journal.

4. Your idea of multitasking is reading Daily Kos while listening to NPR.

3. You’re all for “mixed marriages,” except for the one between Matalin and Carville.

2. You oppose capital punishment in all cases — with the possible exception of Chris Matthews.

1. Although you’re ACLU on personal privacy, you advocate warrantless strip searches of the Right-Wing Blondes — to check if their carpets really match their drapes.