10.  Conjugal visits by 72 virgins would severely strain resources of U.S. Marshall’s Service.

9. Federal Civil Rights laws bar anal plunging.

8. NY License Plates would suddenly read ‘JIHADMAN.’

7. Thufferin’ Thuccotash! Terrorists would have better speech therapy than Rudy.

6. 9/11 plotters would be less estranged from their families than Rudy.

5. Afraid they’ll get more media exposure than Rudy through MSNBC’s Al Qaeda Lockup.

4. Terrorists may let Bernard Kerik use their cells for secret prison trysts.

3.  Defendants could get representation by Rudy’s ‘Cousin Vinny’.”

2. Successful prosecutions would overshadow Rudy’s own 100% conviction rate against squeegee men.

1.  Since gas chamber has been abolished, Rudy would look silly witnessing executions wearing his gas mask.

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Norm Jenson with Jon Stewart’s rip of Rudy.

“I DON’T CARE IF THE OBAMA JUSTICE DEPARTMENT SEEKS THE DEATH PENALTY, THEY SIMPLY DON’T HAVE THE POWER TO PUT KSM ON DOUBLE SECRET PROBATION.”

“UNLIKE THE NORMAL SITUATION,  THE U.S. MARSHALLS WILL ACTUALLY LET THE TERRORISTS HIT THEIR HEADS GETTING IN AND OUT OF THE CAR.”

“DON’T WORRY ABOUT OPENLY SHOWING YOUR SUPPORT FOR ‘HOLY JIHAD’ AND ‘DEATH TO THE WEST,’ JUST DON’T REVEAL YOUR AFFECTION FOR BETTE MIDLER.”

“THE LAST THING WE NEED NOW IS TO INFLAME AL QAEDA, WITH PICTURES PROVING WE HAVE SUPERIOR TRAINING FACLIITIES … COMPLETE WITH A WATERSLIDE.”

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BuzzFlash Editor Mark Karlin on the Media-Hyped Obama/Cheney Face-off - Just Another World Wrestling Federation Ratings Event?

And Lisa Casey on a more fitting Cheney bully pulpit.

“YA, I TOLD PRESIDENT OBAMA HE CAN CHECK DA’ TERRORISTS INTO ZEE HOTEL CALEEFORNIA ANYTIME HE VANTS … BUT ZEY CAN NEVER LEAVE.”

“AS SOON AS THEY ASKED FOR SASHA AND MALIA’S SWINGSET, IT WAS A CLEAR SIGN I HAD TO SAY ALL BETS ARE OFF.”

“NOW, UNDERSTAND, THE CONSTANT USE OF ‘TWAT‘ BY THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION … CLEARLY SENT THE WRONG SIGNAL TO THE MUSLIM WORLD.”

Newsweek’s Michael Isikoff with the story.

“SORRY, OTIS, YOU’RE GONNA’ HAVE TO SLEEP THIS ONE OFF SOMEWHERE ELSE TONIGHT — WE GOTTA’ MAKE ROOM FOR KHALID SHAIKH MOHAMMED.”

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“Gee, Pa, can I make a movie about this when I grow up?”

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Lisa Casey on Osama’s reaction.

Norm Jenson with Robert Redford on Maddow, in Acres of Land Saved.

“WHAT SIGNAL DOES IT SEND TO THE REST OF THE WORLD WHEN A MAJOR CABLE NETWORK GIVES MORE TIME TO DANGEROUS CHARACTERS THAN TO CHRIS MATTHEWS — NOW WAIT A MINUTE, I’D BETTER KEEP MY OPTIONS OPEN ON THIS ONE.”