“THOU SHALL NOT BE A DOUCHEBAG.”

Story and video at Crooks & Liars.

Now retired and living in a God-assisted living facility in Boca Raton, Moses was devastated by the news, and announced that he would now be forced to auction off both the original Ten Commandments, and the Golden Calf he seized from his brother Aaron in a dispute in the Sinai desert.

Asked where he thought Madoff had gone wrong, Moses lamented that “maybe Bernie paid too much attention to the commandment about not using God’s name in vain, and should have given more thought to “Thou Shall Not Steal” and “Thou Shall Not Covet Thy Neighbor’s 401K.”

Moses was also bitter that his own legacy had essentially been wiped out by Madoff’s madness: “I risked my life and more than 40 years trying to free my people, and now, because of that sonuvabitch, all the Jews are gonna’ have to go back to working like slaves. In fact, they may even have to … let their own people go.”

Moses conceded, however, that he and other investors should have seen the red flags, particularly when they received statements showing that Madoff had put them into the Ten Plagues Total Return Fund.  “Believe you me,” added the Hebrew Prophet, “I’ve seen Pyramid schemes before, but this one really takes the matzoh.”  

Asked what punishment he thought would be appropriate for Madoff, Moses demurred, but said that this might be a better question for his good friend and roommate Abraham, “who really is the expert at sacrifices.”

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BLOGWORTHIES:

From Moses to Jesus: Cheerleaders for Christ, by BuzzFlash’s Chad Rubel.

The latest on Shoegate, at All Hat No Cattle.

The Sunday Funnies, at One Good Move.

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