“YOU SEE, RACHEL, IT’S OBVIOUS THAT WHERE STEPHEN COLBERT PLAYS A FICTIONAL CONSERVATIVE CHARACTER ON HIS SHOW, AND THE ACTUAL CONSERVATIVES TAKE HIM SERIOUSLY … SO TOO I’VE FOOLED ALL THE LIBERALS INTO ACTUALLY THINKING I’M ONE OF THEM.”
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“YOU SEE, RACHEL, IT’S OBVIOUS THAT WHERE STEPHEN COLBERT PLAYS A FICTIONAL CONSERVATIVE CHARACTER ON HIS SHOW, AND THE ACTUAL CONSERVATIVES TAKE HIM SERIOUSLY … SO TOO I’VE FOOLED ALL THE LIBERALS INTO ACTUALLY THINKING I’M ONE OF THEM.”
“I DARE SAY, SIR, YOUR HOLIER-THAN-THOU ‘FALSE EQUIVALENCY’ OF OUR STATION WITH FOX MAKES YOU UNIQUELY SUITABLE TO REPLACE MR. LIEBERSTEIN … AS PRESIDENT OF THE CO-OPTED BOARD.”
“I KNOW THIS IS POLITICALLY INCORRECT, BUT I’D RATHER TAKE MY CHANCES GOING OFF THE RAILS ON A CRAZY TRAIN … THAN RIDE WITH A MUSLIM ON A PEACE TRAIN.”
“NOW, THIS NEW CONTEST MAKES MY OLD ‘FINDA THE POPES IN THE PIZZA CONTEST’ LOOKA PRETTY EASY IN COMPARISON. HERE, I THINK ITS GONNA BE A-PRETTY HARD TO FIND A SINGLE REPUBLICAN… AMONG MORE THAN 200,000 PEOPLE LOOKING FOR SOME SANITY.”
“AND SO, WHILE ON MY NIGHT JOB, WE CONSTANTLY MOCK THE FALSE EQUIVALENCE PRACTICED BY THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA, HERE ON OUR DAY SHIFT, WE DO THE VERY SAME THING, BY PRETENDING THAT THE OCCASIONAL EXCESSES OF THE LEFT ARE INDISTINGUISHABLE FROM THE TRULY INSANE RIGHT-WING PROPAGANDA MACHINE.
“BY THE WAY, IF YOU’RE A SELF-DEFINED CONSERVATIVE OUT THERE, PLEASE RAISE YOUR HAND…. A LITTLE HIGHER, I CAN’T SEE YOU.”
“THE REPUBLICANS APPARENTLY LIKED HIM SO MUCH THEY MADE HIM THEIR LEADER IN BOTH THE HOUSE AND SENATE … AND THE DEMOCRATS WERE SO INTIMIDATED, THEY JUST LEFT AND LET COLBERT DEBATE HIMSELF.”
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“NOW LISTEN, JON, SINCE CHRISTINE O’DONNELL HAS PROVEN THAT NOT MASTURBATING LEADS TO INSANITY, IT’S PRETTY CLEAR THAT YOU’LL HAVE TO EXPOSE YOURSELF TO EXPOSE THIS TEABAGGER.”
“YOU SIR, ARE A FORMIDABLE OPPONENT … AND SOMETIMES YOUR OWN WORST ENEMY.”
“IT’S BECOME PRETTY CLEAR THAT THE GREATEST THREAT OUR COUNTRY NOW FACES IS NOT FROM RUSSIA, OR EVEN IRAN, BUT THE NUTS WHO WENT BALLISTIC OVER THE FACT THAT I RAN.”
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BuzzFlash’s P.M. Carpenter on our increasingly diseased democracy.
Norm Jenson with Stephen Colbert’s take on the Supreme Court ‘corporate speech’ case – Let Freedom Ka-Ching.
Baucus Bill is Proof of ‘Krugman’s law,’ at Perrspectives.
Dan Kurtzman with Obama’s Lightsaber Episode.
“DON’T WORRY ABOUT OBAMA’S PLAN FOR COUNSELING ON ‘LIVING WILLS’ … UNLESS OF COURSE, YOU’RE ALREADY BRAIN-DEAD LIKE THE REPUBLICAN PARTY.”
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