“IF I OFFEND THE RIGHT WING BASE OF MY PARTY, THEY’RE LIKELY TO CHALLENGE THE LEGITIMACY OF MY ‘HATCH CERTIFICATE’.”

Story here.

“Senator Graham, in response to your questions about the Second Amendment, and whether the right to own a gun is fundamental, let me be clear:

“I mean, I wanna, I wanna kill.  Kill.  I wanna, I wanna see, I wanna see blood and gore and guts and veins in my teeth.  Eat dead burnt bodies. I mean kill, Kill, KILL, KILL.”  And if my ankle wasn’t broken, I’d be jumpin up and down yelling, “KILL, KILL,” and “KILL.”

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From GOP Crashes, to Mashups, at BartCopE!

“SENATOR ENSIGN, YOU COME TO ME ON THE DAY YOU SCREWED THE WIFE OF YOUR TOP AIDE, AND YOU ASK ME TO KILL THE COMMANDMENT OF ”THOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY?”

AlterNet with the Transcript of The Rachel Maddow Show on the Family — Washington D.C.’s “C Street House,”

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BuzzFlash with Tom Coburn as GOP Hypocrite of the Week, and Mark Karlin on Liz Cheney as Dick’s Mole in the State Department.

Norm Jenson with The Daily Show’s White Men Can’t Judge.

Dan Kurtzman with the Sonia Sotomayor Joke Round-Up.

“THE ONE THAT REALLY INFLUENCED ME WAS WHERE THE PROSECUTOR DELIBERATELY FRAMED AN INNOCENT MAN, HAD HIM SENT TO THE ELECTRIC CHAIR, AND THEN HAD HIS DEFENSE ATTORNEY, PERRY MASON, BEAT UP SO BAD … THAT HE WAS PERMANENTLY DISABLED.”

Story here.

“NOW, JUDGE, WE HAVE REPORTS THAT YOU’VE HAD THIS REPETITIVE DREAM, WHERE YOU’RE LATE TO COURT, WITHOUT ANY CLOTHES ON, AND CAN’T FIND THE COURTROOM … AND STILL YOU PROCLAIM THAT YOU CAN MAKE A ‘WISER’ DECISION THAN AN OLD WHITE JUDGE.”

“KEITH, WHILE YOU’D HAVE TO EAT A WHOLE BAG OF ‘WISE POTATO CHIPS’ TO GET SICK, EVEN A SINGLE SERVING OF JEFF SESSIONS WILL DO THE TRICK.”

1. In West Side Story, were you rooting for the Jets … or the Sharks?

2. Will you refrain from using “Latin” in your judicial opinions? 

3. In I Love Lucy, who would you say was “wiser”: a LATIN MALE  bandleader, or a goofy WHITE FEMALE who always wanted to play the Copacabana?

4. Do you think First Amendment rights were trampled when NBC was intimidated into pulling repeats of the Seinfeld Puerto Rican Day Parade episode?

5. Do you promise not to hang fuzzy dice from the bench, or to wear a “No. 51″ on the back of your robes in support of Puerto Rican Statehood?

“JUDGE SOTOMAYOR, I’VE INSTRUCTED THE SERGEANT-AT-ARMS TO NOT ONLY SHUT OFF THE AIR-CONDITIONING, BUT TO CRANK UP THE HEAT…. NOW WE’LL SEE IF THE AMERICAN PEOPLE SUPPORT A NOMINEE DRENCHED IN SWEAT AND WITH MASCARA RUNNING DOWN HER FACE.”

“IF THE CLOWN ON THE TRICYCLE THROWING PIES AT THE WITNESS LOOKS A LITTLE FAMILIAR, PLEASE GIVE A WARM WELCOME TO … SENOR JEFF SESSIONS FROM ALABAMA.”

“NOT ONLY WILL SHE HAVE TO ANSWER THE ORAL QUESTIONS, BUT WE’LL JUDGE HER ON HER ‘TIMES’ RACING UP THE STAIRWELL OF A BURNING BUILDING WITH 50 POUNDS OF EQUIPMENT … AND A BROKEN ANKLE.”

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BLOGWORTHIES:

BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin on the Young Republicans carrying on the Grand Old tradition: Racism, Hate, Psychotic Paranoia and Intimidation.

Forget Dueling Banjos, Madkane with Dueling Scandals.

Palin Resigns, Alaskans Immediately Begin Search For Lipstick-wearing Pig – at Apolitiicus.