“GENTLEMEN, IF YOU’RE GONNA’ GIVE ‘FAIR AND BALANCED’ A GOOD NAME, YOU MIGHT JUST DO TO FOX NEWS  WHAT OBAMA DID TO THE SOMALI PIRATES.”

The Bernard and Jonah tales at HuffPost.

Lisa Casey on the new breed of Pirate.

Norm Jenson with more on the LOON WATCH: Right-wing dumbshits.

“NOW THE LIBERAL PRESS JUST HARPS ON THE FACT THAT WE SHOT THE PIRATES DEAD, BUT THE FULL STORY IS THAT WE FIRST TOWED THEM FOR FREE, ON THE BACK OF THE AMERICAN TAXPAYER.”

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Madkane weighs in with Fox Pundits At Sea.

THE RICH PHONIES WHO DRINK TEA WITH THEIR PINKIES OUT,

LEADING THE POOR SCHNOOKS WHO HAVE TO USE THEIR TEABAGS MORE THAN ONCE.

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Conservatives Hope Tea Will Spur the Second Coming of the GOP, at BuzzFlash.

Who says consumer purchases are down? Guns Galore at All Hat No Cattle.

“NOW, I DON’T MEAN BOARDING THEIR WATERCRAFT, BUT ACTUALLY TORTURING THEM.  NOT THAT I CARE ABOUT SAVING THE CAPTAIN, I JUST WANT HALLIBURTON TO RECOVER THE BURIED BAGHDAD TREASURE THAT WAS LOOTED FROM THEM.”

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BuzzFlash Editor Mark Karlin on Tales of the D.C. Elite “Village People.”

Lisa Casey on Bowing to the Saudi King.

Dan Kurtzman with the The Week in Political Cartoons.

“A WAR AGAINST PIRATES ON THE HIGH SEAS HAS TRADITIONALLY BEEN DEFINED AS BETWEEN LONELY SAILORS LIVING IN TIGHT QUARTERS WITH EACH OTHER FOR MONTHS, AND OVER-BLINGED BUCCANEERS WHO’VE HAD A BIT TOO MUCH RUM.”

10. During Super Bowl week, Bank of America used their TARP funds to advertise its logo on a giant tarp covering the field.

9. During pre-game ceremonies, the US Airways crew was denied their request to demonstrate how to work a flotation device before a national audience.

8. For the coin toss, General Petraeus used a made-to-order coin with the sides “Surge,” and  “Surge.”

7. Mickey Rourke put Springsteen in a sleeper hold after the Boss failed to include ‘The Wrestler’ song in his half-time show.

6. Impressed with the Pepsi commercials in which everything blows up, the GOP recruited McGruber to run with Palin in 2012.

5. The stadium pirate ship  was taken over by Somali Pirates, who hijacked both teams’ running games.

4. Kurt Warner’s devastating interception was caused by his inability to communicate with God on his helmet radio.

3. The E*Trade Baby blew all his day-trading profits by betting the “under.”

2. When his home-state Cardinals fell behind at half-time, John McCain tried to get the game suspended.

1. Super Bowl MVP Santonio Holmes referrred to the “sticky Lombardi Trophy,” only after viewing the “feed switch” from the game to a pornographic film.

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And Dan Rosa with Arizonan Complains That 10 Seconds of Super Bowl Interrupted His Porn.