The Satirical Political Report

"The Best Political REAM
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November 24th, 2009

Grand Compromise in Senate? Public Option to Be Limited to Guy Named ‘Fred’

“AND JUST TO TRY TO GET SENATORS LIEBERMAN, NELSON AND LINCOLN ON BOARD, WE CHERRY-PICKED THIS GUY ‘FRED’ PRECISELY BECAUSE HE NEVER EVEN GOES OUT IN PUBLIC.”

November 24th, 2009

GOP Leaders Assert Health Care Bill is Too WIDE

“IT’S REALLY A SLIPPERY SLOPE. ONCE YOU GO BEYOND THE TRADITIONAL 8 ½ x 11 BOND PAPER, IT’S CLEAR A BILL HAS TRANSGRESSED THE BOUNDARY INTO SOCIALISM.”

November 24th, 2009

GOP Rips Off ‘Curb’ Finale in Attack on Health Care Reform

“TRUE, OVER 40,000 PEOPLE DIE EVERY YEAR FROM LACK OF HEALTH INSURANCE.  BUT HAVING SAID THAT, WE SIMPLY DON’T GIVE A SHIT.”

November 21st, 2009

Viewers to C-SPAN: Opt-Out of GOP Colloquy, and Trigger Reruns of ‘Booknotes’

“WE INTERRUPT THIS DEBATE IN ORDER TO ADMINISTER LIFE-SAVING CPR TO OUR VIEWERS.”

November 21st, 2009

GOP to Filibuster Health Care Reform By Reading ‘Theodoric of York’

“IF THE HEALTH PLAN OF THE DEMOCRAT PARTY PASSES, THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT WILL THEN BECOME BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR BLOODLETTING LEECHES.”

November 21st, 2009

Harry Reid Goes Extra Mile for Votes of Lincoln and Landrieu

“WE’RE PREPARED TO ERECT LEVEES AROUND SENATOR LANDRIEU TO PROTECT HER FROM RIGHT-WING ATTACKS, AND TO ACTUALLY MAKE A GENDER CHANGE TO THE LINCOLN MEMORIAL TO PLACATE THE SENATOR FROM ARKANSAS.”

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BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin on the “Greatest” healthcare system’s need to “erect”  more nurses.

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