“NOW, THE REAL BEAUTY OF THIS STAMP, IS THAT IT ACTUALLY TURNS INTO A FOOD STAMP.”

Story at NY Times.

“KRAMER, NOT ONLY IS IT A PIZZA AS SOON AS IT’S IN THE OVEN, BUT OBAMA’S HEALTH PLAN WILL PUT JERRY’S NANA IN THE OVEN.”

“When it comes to facts, Poppy’s a little sloppy.”

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Jon Perr on the ever-hypocritical GOP: ‘Health Care Needs More Votes Than social security, Medicare’.

“JUST YOU WAIT AND SEE. ONCE THEY START LETTING THE YOUNG PEOPLE AND THE ILLEGALS INTO THE RESTAURANTS BEFORE 5 PM, WE’LL BE STANDING OUTSIDE IN LONG LINES, AND PLOTZING IN THE HEAT.”

The saga at Sunrise Lakes, at the NYT.

“WITH ALL THE FORECLOSURES, THE ‘BUBBLE’ COULD BE THE NEXT BIG THING IN AFFORDABLE HOUSING, BUT THE ANTI-IMMIGRATION CROWD IS CRAZED ABOUT THE MOOPS GETTING A STRANGLEHOLD ON THE MARKET.”

“THAT’S RIGHT, KRAMER, WE ESTABLISHED A PRESENCE IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD FOR 47 YEARS TO STEAL JERRY’S SNEAKERS – AND OBAMA’S MOM AND POP ESTABLISHED A FAKE PRESENCE IN HAWAII, AS PART OF A 47-YEAR PLAN TO STEAL THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION.”

“I STILL REFUSED TO ASK ANY QUESTIONS AT ORAL ARGUMENT, BUT I DID CONDUCT MY OWN PERSONAL WRIT OF SEARCH-IORARI.”

The real story here.

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And on the big CIA torture story:

P. M. Carpenter at BuzzFlash on Obama’s long and labored path to doing the right thing.

Jon Perr on the GOP’s Seinfeld Defense of Torture.

Lisa Casey on the irrepressible Dickster.

“WELL, THE MARKET HAD SOME GIDDYUP TODAY. AND HERE’S HOPING THE OBAMA PLAN WORKS, ‘CAUSE MY BOYS NEED A HOUSE, AND I DON’T WANNA’ STOP AT THE DUTY FREE SHOP.”

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Norm Jenson with Jon Stewart and In Cramer We Trust, and Dan Kurtzman has the Roundup of Jon Stewart vs. Jim Cramer: Round 2.

BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin: CNBC Hypes Its Owner, General Electric, As GE’s Performance and Stock Plummet.

Satirical Obamicon Posters at All Hat No Cattle.

“AFTER EIGHT YEARS OF BUSH-CHENEY, IT’S A WONDER WE’RE NOT BACK TO THE PONY EXPRESS.”

[Story here]

“NO, PLEASE — AS I TOLD PRESIDENT-ELECT OBAMA, SOUP IS NOT A MEAL, AND I INSISTED, AS THE PRICE OF BI-PARTISANSHIP, A SIX-COURSE DINNER AT MENDY’S.”

“McCain’s Old, Jerry, He’s Old!”

Citing ‘Change’ Over ‘Experience,’ Angry Electorate Votes to Replace God

‘3 A.M. Phone Call Ad’ Wins Hillary the Presidency, of OnStar

Baseball Decrees the Steroid Age the ‘Shrunken Ball Era’

The Legend of Fred Thompson: A Politician Turned Actor Who Couldn’t Play a Candidate on TV

Evangelicals Claim Prop 8 Protects the Sanctity of Marriages Performed by Elvises in Vegas Chapels

Accused in Hate Crime Plea Bargains Down to ‘Spite’

Famed Photog Annie Leibovitz Uses Negatives to Capture McCain’s Campaign

Iraq Celebrates 5th Anniversary by Re-Gifting Democracy

Rudy Giuliani Reveals His Feet Are Two Different Sizes: a ‘9′ and an ‘11′

Co-Founder of Slinky Dies, After Falling Down Steps

Pollsters Admit Flaws in Methodology: ‘Exit Polls’ Conducted at Entrances

Sarah Palin Touts Her Experience as a ‘Closet Organizer’

Satirists Riot Over The New Yorker Obama Cartoon

Americans Strongly Believe in God, But One That Only Controls the Outcome of Sporting Events

Due to Snowstorm, Premature Ejaculation Clinic Operating on a 5 Minute Delay

Huckabee Declares He’s Ready to be President From ‘Day Six,’ Literally

Spitzer Scandal Spurs Call for Reform: Public Financing of Hookers

Christian Right Condemns Gay Adoption of Highways

FOX News Blames Obama for Nigerian Spam

Time-Life Issues the Definitive Collection of ‘Bush Scandals’

Sarah Palin Establishes a New ‘Crack in the WOODEN FLOOR’

Stood Up by ‘Joe the Plumber,’ McCain Campaigns with ‘Janitor in a Drum’

Iraqi Shoe Thrower Receives a ‘Seinfeld Sentence’ — Has to Serve as Bush’s Butler (and Shoeshine man)

A Sign of the Times: E*Trade Baby Leaps to Death From His Crib

McCain Claims ‘Multiple House Story’ Helps Him With Mormons

Sarah Palin Takes Phone Call from Napoleon Bonaparte

U.S. Finally Greeted as Liberators, by Wall Street

Lesson Learned: Auto Executives Make Return Trip to D.C. in Flintstones Car

An Ominous Sign for the GOP: Even Mars Turns Blue

Bush’s ‘Mission Accomplished’ Finally Realized: Iraq in Better Shape Than U.S.

Sarah Palin’s Greatest ‘Gift’ to America: Ruining Thanksgiving

Treasury Gives Bailout to Sperm Banks, to Inject Liquidity Into Frozen Markets

Blagojevich, Preparing for the Worst, Plans to Sell His Own ‘Seat’ in Jail

Conspiracy Theory of ‘Second Shoe Thrower’ Raised by Abdul-liver Stone

Bernie Madoff’s Fraud Reaches Beyond Jewish Community: Ran Pyramid Scheme in Egypt

House of Tudor Lays Claim to Vacant NY Senate Seat

Cheney Voices Concern Biden Will Diminish the ‘Vice’ in Vice Presidency

GOP Realizes Its Worst Nightmare: Black Man Elected to Lead U.S. Out of The Dark Ages