“LET’S FACE IT, IF RONALD REAGAN HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO CONFRONT HU JINTAO, MENUS IN CHINESE RESTAURANTS WOULD NO LONGER BE DIVIDED BETWEEN ‘COLUMN A’ AND ‘COLUMN B’.”

[Historical Note: Ronald Reagan did visit China in 1984.]

“My fellow citizens. I assumed the office of the Presidency with the best of intentions — to try to change both the culture of Washington, and the way business is done here.

But after just two short weeks, I realized that I was HOPE-lessly naive. That trying to negotiate with the know-nothing Neanderthal, Limbaugh-ass-sucking, tax-cut-a-saurus, fickle-down Reagan-worshipping Rethuglicans, is about as pointless as trying to resuscitate our ailing economy by exporting tea to China.

So here’s the REAL CHANGE I’m now proposing:  

Forget the bank bailouts, we’re gonna use the  remaining TARP dollars to buy up the TOXIC GOP ASSES from Congress.  For far less than the cost of any stimulus package to the Treasury, we’ll put these “bad asses” in a “bad holding tank,” where they can’t do any further damage to this great nation.

I know I promised to close Guantanamo, but it’s clear that the legal system is simply not equipped to deal with these nihilsts who are out to destroy our very way of life. 

But let’s be clear — the WAR ON ERROR will not be won in a year, or even during this generation. We must remain ever-vigilant against these malefactors of great mischief.

And now that I finally did what I had to do to the Rethuglicans, it’s time for a smoke.

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BLOGWORTHIES:

BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin strikes a similar note: Water Doesn’t Trickle Down the Middle of the Road, President Obama.

Dick Cheney’s New Wheelchair, at All Hat No Cattle.

The Daily Show’s  Big ‘Bama’s House – at One Good Move.

Dan Kurtzman’s Political Cartoons of the Week, and Obama the Comedian.

“MR. PRESIDENT-ELECT, I JUST SPOKE TO RONNIE, DWIGHT EISENHOWER AND ABRAHAM LINCOLN, AND THEY ALL SAID THE SAME THING: DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT BRINGING ANY OF THESE CRAZY ASS, KNOW-NOTHING REPUBLICANS INTO YOUR ADMINISTRATION!”

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Staying on topic, P.M. Carpenter at BuzzFlash on Palin’s Legacy: The Agony of Ignorance.

Lisa Casey has the perfect vacation spot for retiring Republicans.

Rachel Maddow on the Colbert Report, at One Good Move.

“YES, THE STARS ARE NOW ALIGNED FOR A BLACK MAN IN THE WHITE HOUSE, AND AN INSANE MAN IN THE OUTHOUSE.” 

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BLOGWORTHIES:

BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin on Ron Reagan’s Support of Obama: The Reagan Era Takes a Detour.

Dan Kurtzman with The 10 Funniest Gaffes of Campaign 2008.

Keith Olbermann with John Cleese, Obama Supporter, at One Good Move.

“JOHN McCAIN IS LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES. FROM ONE DAY TO THE NEXT, YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT YOU’RE GONNA GET.”

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BLOGWORTHIES:

BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin: McCain’s Secret Plan to “Get” Osama and Nixon’s Secret Plan to End the Vietnam War.

Norm Jenson has John Cleese on Sarah Palin and The Daily Show’s Clusterfuck to the Poor House.

Juan Cole: The Great Reagan Pyramid Scheme Comes Crashing Down.

Dan Kurtzman presents Funny Political Bumper Stickers.

“MY FRIENDS, I’M THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN UNITE THIS COUNTRY.  IN FACT,  I’M ONLY HERE TONIGHT BECAUSE MY CONGRESSIONAL COLLEAGUES, ON BOTH SIDES OF THE AISLE, TOLD ME TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF WASHINGTON.”

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BLOGWORTHIES:

BuzzFlash’s P.M. Carpenter on McCain putting Country Last.

Palin as a caricature of a Vice Presidential candidate, at One Good Move. 

Lessons of the Fall: Ike’s In, Reagan’s Out, by Eugene Jarecki at HuffPost.

“NOT ONLY CAN I SEE ALASKA FROM MY DACHA, BUT WHEN THE PRESENT GOVERNOR REARS HER AIRHEAD, IT’S MORE OF A DANGER TO RUSSIAN AIRSPACE THAN CHERNOBYL.”

“WHO NEEDS SEX-EDUCATION, WHEN WE CAN SPEND BILLIONS FOR AN ADVANCED LASER SYSTEM TO INTERCEPT THE SPERM IN MID-VAGINA.”