The Satirical Political Report

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November 30th, 2009

Obama Seeks ‘Beer Summit’ Between Tiger Woods and Florida Police

“THERE HAS TO BE A MIDDLE GROUND BETWEEN WHITE COPS WHO ARE STUPIDLY SEEKING GOLF TIPS, AND THE WORLD’S BEST GOLFER WHO IS MERELY GUILTY OF DRIVING WHILE BLACKED-OUT.”

July 30th, 2009

Joe Biden’s Gaffe Almost Ruins the ‘Beer Summit’

Beer Summit

“GENTLEMAN, SINCE THIS MEETING SEEMS TO BE GOING SO WELL, WHY DON’T WE BUILD ON THIS BY BRINGING YOU GUYS BACK, ALONG WITH O.J SIMPSON AND MARK FUHRMAN.”

July 29th, 2009

To Bridge Town-Gown Gap, Obama Invites Matt Damon to ‘Beer Summit’

“IF ANYONE IS BOTH AN EXAMPLE OF BRIDGING THIS DIVIDE, AND CAN ALSO FIGURE OUT A MATHEMATICAL MODEL TO ABOLISH RACIAL STEREOTYPING AND CLASS PREJUDICES, IT WOULD HAVE TO BE THAT OUTSTANDING YOUNG MAN FROM ‘GOOD WILL HUNTING’.”

“HA-VAD PROFESSOR’S ULTRA-SENSITIVITY + SOUTHIE COP’S EGO + PRESIDENT’S LOOSE LIPS = WICKED PISSAH.”

July 25th, 2009

Obama Calls Cambridge Cops, Congratulates Them on a ‘No-Hitter’

“I TOLD THEM THAT THE ‘PERP WALK’ RUINED THEIR PERFECT GAME, BUT AT LEAST THEY DIDN’T PUT A HURTIN’ ON THE OLE’ PROFESSOR.”

July 25th, 2009

Cambridge Sgt. Accepts Obama’s ‘Beer Invitation’ — with Conditions!

“I’LL FIRST NEED TO CHECK THE BIRTH CERTIFICATES OF BOTH THE PRESIDENT AND PROFESSOR GATES, TO ENSURE THERE’S NO UNDER-AGE DRINKING … FOLLOWED BY A PAT-DOWN FOR WEAPONS AND DRUGS.”

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Correcting a conservative red herring, on health-care reform, by P.M. Carpenter at BuzzFlash.

And Lewis Black’s Daily Show rant on Healthcare Reform, via One Good Move.

Dan Kurtzman’s Political Cartoons of the Week.

July 24th, 2009

To Demonstrate Equal Treatment, Cambridge Police Arrest Prof. Henry Higgins

“I TELL YOU, ELIZA, THERE I WAS, JUST MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS, IN MY ROOM SOMEWHERE, FAR AWAY FROM THE COLD NIGHT AIR…. BESIDES, WHAT IN BLOODY HELL WERE THESE COPS DOING IN CAMBRIDGE, ENGLAND?”

July 24th, 2009

Obama Incorporates the ‘Gates Arrest’ Into His Health Plan

“UNDER MY NEW PLAN, BOTH WHITES AND BLACKS WILL HAVE EQUAL ACCESS TO HOUSE CALLS … FROM THE POLICE.”

July 24th, 2009

Shocking New Video Captures Police Chase of Prof. Gates Through His Bedroom

Police Commissioner Robert Haas speaks to reporters at Cambridge Police headquarters Thursday about the actions of Cambridge Sgt. James Crowley, who was criticized by President Barack Obama after arresting black scholar Henry Louis Gates Jr. in his Massachusetts home. Also pictured is Cambridge Sgt. James DeFrancesco. (AP Photo)

 

“I GOTTA’ HAND IT TO THE PROFESSOR, THE OLD GUY CAN REALLY HANDLE A ‘94 FORD BRONCO AROUND TIGHT HOSPITAL CORNERS.”

July 21st, 2009

Harvard Professor Arrested for ‘TWI’ — Thriving While Black

According to a source, Cambridge...

“TO PARAPHRASE MY GOOD BROTHER JESSE, ‘FROM THE OUTHOUSE TO THE STATE HOUSE, TO THE WHITE HOUSE … TO OUTTA’ MY OWN HOUSE!

Story here.

And from rogue cops to the roguish CIA, at All Hat No Cattle.

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