“OUR LATEST POLLS SHOW THAT BOTH BARACK OBAMA AND JOHN McCAIN ARE TRAILING TO … JEFFERSON DAVIS.”

“A SPOKEPERSON FOR SENATOR McCAIN CLAIMS THAT A VERY, VERY TALL BLACK MAN ATTACKED THE GIRAFFE MASCOT AND CARVED A BACKWARDS ‘R’ ON HIS SIGN — IN ORDER TO SEND THE MESSAGE THAT THE REPUBLICANS ARE ASS-BACKWARDS. ”

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More on McCain’s Follies with Madkane’s McPettiness Express.

“EVEN MORE THAN THE ‘BLACK MAN IN THE ALLEY,’ WHAT WHITE AMERICANS ARE REALLY SCARED SHITLESS OF IS THE ‘CRAZY MAN’ IN THE ALLEY.”

Today’s Frank Rich column.

I get up every morning
From Sean Hannity’s warning
Trashin’ commie Jews and blacks from the City
There’s a Robo-calls a callin’
Right-wing polls a pushin’ pollin’
And on Hardball, I’m really a pity

And if your brain likes slime
You’ll be Joe McCarthy by nine
And earn your Wingnut stripes to get your pay
If you ever get annoyed
Be like me, a racist ‘roid
I love to work at dissing all day

And I’ll be…
Taking care of diss-ness, every day
Taking care of diss-ness, every way
I’ve been taking care of diss-ness, it’s all mine
Taking care of diss-ness, and working overtime

It’s as easy as wishin’
Joe the ‘plumber’s’ a physician
And your opponent is black, brown or yellow
Be a know-nothing nut bar
Chances are you’ll go too far
If you get in with the RIGHT bunch of fellows
People see you having fun
Just a Lyin’ like a Hun
Tell them that you like to hate this way
For FOX News we’ll be employed
And we’ll end up self-destroyed
We love to work at dissing all day

And I’ll be taking care of diss-ness, every day
Taking care of diss-ness, every way
I’ve been taking care of diss-ness, it’s all mine
Taking care of diss-ness, and working overtime

“AND SO, MY FRIENDS, DO WE TRULY KNOW WHICH IS THE REAL AL ROKER?”

“WOLF, FOR VOTERS WHO’VE GOT NOTHING TO EAT, THEY DON’T GIVE A RAT’S ASS IF THE CANDIDATE LOOKS LIKE WHITE BREAD, RYE OR PUMPERNICKEL.”

Although Gibson blamed his outburst on alcohol, many speculate that he was really venting his frustration over failing to land the Matt Dillon role of the racist cop in the Oscar-winning movie, Crash.

However, there is really no dispute that Mr. Gibson’s intoxication played a major role in the incident, since the deputy who was asked by Gibson about his possible Jewish heritage –¬†was actually black.

While it has been widely reported that the LAPD initially tried to cover up the incident, the full extent of their attempt to “scrub” the record is now first coming to light.¬† Indeed, Gibson’s reported comment that he “owns Malibu” was really a doctored version of his actual words, that he “owned Malijew.”

In addition, the transcript of the confrontation was also changed to read that “the Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world,” when the original reflects that Gibson had instead claimed that “since the Jews are all the dermatologists, they’re responsible for all the warts in the world.”

Gibson’s offensive remarks were not¬†aimed¬†solely at Jews, as he also referred to a female officer as “sugar tits.”¬† Surprisingly, however, the blowback from this remark¬†has not come from the National Organization of Women, but from the National Society for the Prevention of Diabetes.

Gibson, however, did seem genuinely contrite about his anti-Semitic remarks, and promised to make it up to the Jewish people by casting one of their own in the title role, without any stunt doubles, in the remake of Passion of the Christ.