The Satirical Political Report

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December 10th, 2008

Sarah Palin Advises Blagojevich to Sell Obama’s Senate Seat on eBay

“NOW, YOU PUT A SENATE SEAT UP FOR AUCTION, TOGETHER WITH A PRIVATE JET, AND YOU CAN REALLY MAKE ENOUGH DOUGH TO KEEP ONE IN DESIGNER CLOTHES.”

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Lisa Casey on the bailout of Blago, and Norm Jenson has The Daily Show’s Jagoff.

November 8th, 2008

CBS’s New Hit Show: The Wasilla Hillbillies

Come and listen to a story about a woman named Sarah
An Alaskan pit bull, who wore lipstick and mascara,
Then one day she was field-dressin’ a moose,
And along comes McCain, holding his own noose.
  
Seekin’ VP that is, Not black or old, Sexist plea. 
 
Well the first thing you know ol Sarah’s a big riser,
Talkin’ trash, knockin’ community organ-izers
Said “Top of the ticket, is the place I oughtta’ be”
So she looted Neiman Marcus, for the whole familee
 
Designer clothes, that is. Valentino, Not Donna Koran.  

Now its time to say goodbye, to Sarah and her kin.
She plans to do some studyin’, to find those Africans.
You’re all invited back, to see what she can do that’s dumber 
While she plots to run in two-oh- twelve with Mr. Joe the Plumber

For President, that is. Can’t spell, Takes her shoes off to count.

She’ll be back in four, y’hear?.

“JED CLAMPETT, WELCOME SIR. IS IT TRUE THAT JETHRO’S FIXIN’ TO VOTE FOR THAT PALIN WOMAN IN 2012.”

“MR. MATTHEWS, I GOTTA HAVE A LONG TALK WITH THAT BOY.”

 

November 7th, 2008

Donald Rumsfeld ‘Knows’ Sarah Palin

“THERE ARE SOME KNOWNS THAT YOU ALWAYS KNOW, AND ONE KNOWN THAT I KNOW IS THAT PALIN KNOWS EVEN LESS THAN I DID ABOUT IRAQ.”

November 7th, 2008

Palin Claims Dr. Pepper Invented Vaccine for Polio

“THE TRULY AMAZING THING ABOUT THIS MAN WAS THAT HE WAS ABLE TO USE HIS OWN SODA POP TO CURE POLIO. AND EVEN MORE REMARKABLY, HE HAD A DIET VERSION FOR DIABETICS.”

November 7th, 2008

Latest Scandal: RNC Paid $200K for Joe the Plumber’s T-Shirts

“KEITH, JOE THE PLUMBER APPARENTLY HAD DOZENS OF T-SHIRTS IN EVERY COLOR … EXCEPT BLACK.”


 

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Who says political comedy is dead? Dan Kurtzman with Late-Night Comedians Herald Age of Obama.

October 28th, 2008

Palin = Nixon? The Parallels are Eerie

“MY WIFE PAT WEARS A CLOTH COAT.”  ”I’M GOIN’ BACK TO THE CONSIGNMENT SHOP.”

“I’VE GOT A RUSSIAN IN THE KITCHEN.”  “I CAN SEE RUSSIA FROM MY KITCHEN.”

“YOU WON’T HAVE NIXON TO KICK AROUND ANYMORE.”   “I’M NOT GONNA’ ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS FROM THE LIBERAL MEDIA ANYMORE.”

“I AM NOT A CROOK.”     “THE TROOPERGATE REPORT SAID I DID NOT BREAK ANY LAWS.” 

 “I LIKE IKE, ‘CAUSE HE MIGHT HAVE A HEART ATTACK.”  “THIS DIVA IS GIVING ME A HEART ATTACK.”

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BuzzFlash’s P.M. Carpenter on The Toxic GOP and Its Just Desserts.

Michael Moore on Larry King, at One Good Move.

Juan Cole on the Hypocrisy of the GOP’s ‘One-Party Rule’ Gambit.

Dan Kurtzman has The 25 Funniest Viral Videos of Election 2008.

October 27th, 2008

To Counter Obama’s National Airtime, Palin to Appear on Home Shopping Network

“AND I’LL BE OFFERING MY CLOSING ARGUMENT: THAT I’M BOTH CLOSE-MINDED, AND CLOTHES-MINDED.”

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BLOGWORTHIES:

Lisa Casey on the “New Socialism.”

Meg White at BuzzFlash on the Ashley Todd Racist Hoax.

McCain Attacks Bush for Economic Policies They Share, at Perrspectives.

October 26th, 2008

Mr. Blackwell Returns From the Beyond, to ‘Dress Down’ Palin

“I DON’T CARE WHAT SARAH WEARS, SHE MAKES MY ALL-TIME WORST JEST LIST.”

October 26th, 2008

Never Mind Palin’s Fashion Budget, McCAIN’s the One With the Extreme Makeover!

“HOLD ON, SENATOR, JUST A LITTLE MORE OF CHRISTIAN DIOR INTO YOUR HEAD.”

October 25th, 2008

Forget Ashley Todd, McCAIN HIMSELF Engaged in Self-Mutilating Hoax

“I TRIED TO BLAME IT ON A TALL BLACK MAN, BUT WHAT REALLY DID ME IN WAS THE ‘BACKWARDS B’ FOR ‘BUSH’ THAT I CARVED INTO THE FACE I SHOWED THE VOTERS.”

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BLOGWORTHIES:

BuzzFlash on Naomi Wolf’s “The End of America.

Never mind a ‘Fifth Grader,’ is Sarah Palin smarter than a … fruit fly?  Norm Jenson on the latest ignorance of the Lady in Red.

Will Ferrell’s Bush Meets Fey’s Palin on ‘SNL’, via Dan Kurtzman.

The Wheels are comin’ off –  via Lisa Casey. 

Madkane on the well-heeled Ms. Palin.

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