The Satirical Political Report

"The Best Political REAM
on the Internet."



December 28th, 2008

Your Top ‘Out of Your Head-lines’ of 2008

Citing ‘Change’ Over ‘Experience,’ Angry Electorate Votes to Replace God

‘3 A.M. Phone Call Ad’ Wins Hillary the Presidency, of OnStar

Baseball Decrees the Steroid Age the ‘Shrunken Ball Era’

The Legend of Fred Thompson: A Politician Turned Actor Who Couldn’t Play a Candidate on TV

Evangelicals Claim Prop 8 Protects the Sanctity of Marriages Performed by Elvises in Vegas Chapels

Accused in Hate Crime Plea Bargains Down to ‘Spite’

Famed Photog Annie Leibovitz Uses Negatives to Capture McCain’s Campaign

Iraq Celebrates 5th Anniversary by Re-Gifting Democracy

Rudy Giuliani Reveals His Feet Are Two Different Sizes: a ‘9′ and an ‘11′

Co-Founder of Slinky Dies, After Falling Down Steps

Pollsters Admit Flaws in Methodology: ‘Exit Polls’ Conducted at Entrances

Sarah Palin Touts Her Experience as a ‘Closet Organizer’

Satirists Riot Over The New Yorker Obama Cartoon

Americans Strongly Believe in God, But One That Only Controls the Outcome of Sporting Events

Due to Snowstorm, Premature Ejaculation Clinic Operating on a 5 Minute Delay

Huckabee Declares He’s Ready to be President From ‘Day Six,’ Literally

Spitzer Scandal Spurs Call for Reform: Public Financing of Hookers

Christian Right Condemns Gay Adoption of Highways

FOX News Blames Obama for Nigerian Spam

Time-Life Issues the Definitive Collection of ‘Bush Scandals’

Sarah Palin Establishes a New ‘Crack in the WOODEN FLOOR’

Stood Up by ‘Joe the Plumber,’ McCain Campaigns with ‘Janitor in a Drum’

Iraqi Shoe Thrower Receives a ‘Seinfeld Sentence’ — Has to Serve as Bush’s Butler (and Shoeshine man)

A Sign of the Times: E*Trade Baby Leaps to Death From His Crib

McCain Claims ‘Multiple House Story’ Helps Him With Mormons

Sarah Palin Takes Phone Call from Napoleon Bonaparte

U.S. Finally Greeted as Liberators, by Wall Street

Lesson Learned: Auto Executives Make Return Trip to D.C. in Flintstones Car

An Ominous Sign for the GOP: Even Mars Turns Blue

Bush’s ‘Mission Accomplished’ Finally Realized: Iraq in Better Shape Than U.S.

Sarah Palin’s Greatest ‘Gift’ to America: Ruining Thanksgiving

Treasury Gives Bailout to Sperm Banks, to Inject Liquidity Into Frozen Markets

Blagojevich, Preparing for the Worst, Plans to Sell His Own ‘Seat’ in Jail

Conspiracy Theory of ‘Second Shoe Thrower’ Raised by Abdul-liver Stone

Bernie Madoff’s Fraud Reaches Beyond Jewish Community: Ran Pyramid Scheme in Egypt

House of Tudor Lays Claim to Vacant NY Senate Seat

Cheney Voices Concern Biden Will Diminish the ‘Vice’ in Vice Presidency

GOP Realizes Its Worst Nightmare: Black Man Elected to Lead U.S. Out of The Dark Ages

November 8th, 2008

CBS’s New Hit Show: The Wasilla Hillbillies

Come and listen to a story about a woman named Sarah
An Alaskan pit bull, who wore lipstick and mascara,
Then one day she was field-dressin’ a moose,
And along comes McCain, holding his own noose.
  
Seekin’ VP that is, Not black or old, Sexist plea. 
 
Well the first thing you know ol Sarah’s a big riser,
Talkin’ trash, knockin’ community organ-izers
Said “Top of the ticket, is the place I oughtta’ be”
So she looted Neiman Marcus, for the whole familee
 
Designer clothes, that is. Valentino, Not Donna Koran.  

Now its time to say goodbye, to Sarah and her kin.
She plans to do some studyin’, to find those Africans.
You’re all invited back, to see what she can do that’s dumber 
While she plots to run in two-oh- twelve with Mr. Joe the Plumber

For President, that is. Can’t spell, Takes her shoes off to count.

She’ll be back in four, y’hear?.

“JED CLAMPETT, WELCOME SIR. IS IT TRUE THAT JETHRO’S FIXIN’ TO VOTE FOR THAT PALIN WOMAN IN 2012.”

“MR. MATTHEWS, I GOTTA HAVE A LONG TALK WITH THAT BOY.”

 

November 8th, 2008

Palin Redeemed! Euphoria Over Obama Leads Africa to Unite as One Nation

“I TOLD YOU I CAN SEE THE FUTURE FROM MY WINDOW.”

November 7th, 2008

Donald Rumsfeld ‘Knows’ Sarah Palin

“THERE ARE SOME KNOWNS THAT YOU ALWAYS KNOW, AND ONE KNOWN THAT I KNOW IS THAT PALIN KNOWS EVEN LESS THAN I DID ABOUT IRAQ.”

November 7th, 2008

Palin Claims Dr. Pepper Invented Vaccine for Polio

“THE TRULY AMAZING THING ABOUT THIS MAN WAS THAT HE WAS ABLE TO USE HIS OWN SODA POP TO CURE POLIO. AND EVEN MORE REMARKABLY, HE HAD A DIET VERSION FOR DIABETICS.”

November 6th, 2008

Latest Palin Bombshell: Thought ‘Africa’ Was Just a Toto Song

“Its gonna take a lot to drag me away from here
There’s nothing that a hundred Senators could ever do
I bless my reign down in NAFTRA- CA
Gonna take some time to screw everything up again

The real song — Toto’s Africa .

November 6th, 2008

Sarah Palin Takes a Call From the ‘President of Africa’

“YES, MR. MANUTE BOL, IT’S AN HONOR TO SPEAK WITH THE PRESIDENT OF AFRICA.  NOW, I’M NOT A LAWYER, BUT IF YOU WAN’T SOMEONE TO ‘SUE DAN,’ I’M SURE I CAN REFER YOU TO TED STEVENS’ ATTORNEY.”

Story at HuffPost.

November 2nd, 2008

Sarah Palin Punk’d By a Mime

“YES, GOD, I CAN’T HEAR YOU, BUT I CAN FEEL YOUR DIVINE PRESENCE, AND WILL CARRY OUT YOUR WILL.”

November 1st, 2008

Sacre Bleu! Palin Takes Call from Pepe Le Pew!

 

“MA CHERIE, DO NOT BE AFRAID, MY SCENT CAN NOT BE HALF AS BAD AS YOURS.” 

November 1st, 2008

Reality Check: Palin the ‘PunKER,’ Not the ‘PunKEE’

                   AUGUST 2008

“HELLO, SENATOR McCAIN?  … YES, I PROMISE YOU THAT I’M A COMPETENT, HONEST, INTELLIGENT PUBLIC SERVANT.”

Story/Audio at Huffington Post.

Next Entries »
Viagra | Levitra | Cialis | Viagra Online | Tramadol | viagra online