“ACCORDING TO THESE HIGHLY-CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTS, THE GOAL WAS NOT ONLY TO KEEP BIN LADEN AS FAR AWAY AS POSSIBLE FROM 72 VIRGINS, BUT TO LEAVE HIM IN A PLACE WHERE THERE WAS VIRTUALLY NO CHANCE OF INTERCOURSE IN THE AFTER-LIFE.”

“IF THERE’S ANYBODY WHO CAN RECTIFY THE EGREGIOUS MISTAKES OF THE BUSH-CHENEY ADMINISTRATION, AND ACTUALLY GET TO OSAMA BIN LADEN IN HIS HIDDEN CAVE, IT HAS TO BE MICHAELE SALAHI, WHO CAN CLAIM SHE’S MERELY ONE OF BIN LADEN‘S 49 REAL HOUSEWIVES.”

“SALAHI? A GOOD ARAB NAME, AND SHE BRINGS HER OWN CAMERA CREW. YES, SEND HER IN, MAYBE WE CAN GET OUR OWN REALITY SHOW.”

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Lisa Casey on the Real White House Party Crashers.

Jon Perr’s Perrspective: Michael Moore’s Afghanistan Letter Rewrites History of Obama Campaign.

“IT’S PRETTY WELL-ESTABLISHED THAT CAPTURING BIN LADEN WOULD HAVE DISTRACTED US FROM DISTRACTING THE AMERICAN PEOPLE.”

“DON’T WORRY ABOUT OPENLY SHOWING YOUR SUPPORT FOR ‘HOLY JIHAD’ AND ‘DEATH TO THE WEST,’ JUST DON’T REVEAL YOUR AFFECTION FOR BETTE MIDLER.”

“SORRY, OTIS, YOU’RE GONNA’ HAVE TO SLEEP THIS ONE OFF SOMEWHERE ELSE TONIGHT — WE GOTTA’ MAKE ROOM FOR KHALID SHAIKH MOHAMMED.”

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“Gee, Pa, can I make a movie about this when I grow up?”

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Lisa Casey on Osama’s reaction.

Norm Jenson with Robert Redford on Maddow, in Acres of Land Saved.

“WE’RE CONCERNED THE VIAGRA IS BEING DIVERTED TO AL QAEDA AND THE TALIBAN. IN FACT, ALTHOUGH WE HAVE REPORTS THAT BIN LADEN IS NOW STANDING OUT HORIZONTALLY AS WELL AS VERTICALLY, WE STILL CAN’T CAPTURE THE SONUVABITCH.”

Story here.

BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin on a real prescription for this country: Establish Medicare Part “E” for All Americans Under the Age of 65.

Madkane on Banks To Taxpayers: Drop Dead!

Juan Cole on Top Ten Myths about Iraq, 2008.

Your complete entertainment guide at BartCop E!

“JOHN McCAIN IS LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES. FROM ONE DAY TO THE NEXT, YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT YOU’RE GONNA GET.”

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BLOGWORTHIES:

BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin: McCain’s Secret Plan to “Get” Osama and Nixon’s Secret Plan to End the Vietnam War.

Norm Jenson has John Cleese on Sarah Palin and The Daily Show’s Clusterfuck to the Poor House.

Juan Cole: The Great Reagan Pyramid Scheme Comes Crashing Down.

Dan Kurtzman presents Funny Political Bumper Stickers.

Wait a minute. Perhaps Obama’s right. Perhaps I’ve been wrong to blindly follow the neanderthal, know-nothing ideology and policies of the modern GOP. Maybe we Republicans should embrace the progressive tradition and put the welfare of the average person and the survival of the planet above sheer corporate greed and profit. Maybe the lessons of science and the enlightenment could be extended to our party platform on issues of health care, the environment, and improving the lives of the poor and middle class. Perhaps I could lead the way to a new age, an age of rebirth, a Renaissance! …. Naaaaaahhh!

BLOGWORTHIES:

More on the “Party of Lincoln,” at All Hat No Cattle.

Jon Perr at C&L on 9/11 and Bush’s Law of Bin Laden.

Juan Cole: Time to Declare the original al-Qaeda Defeated.

“WATERBOARDING IS ONE THING, BUT THIS REALLY VIOLATES MY RIGHTS UNDER THE GENEVA CONVENTION.”

“THIS’LL SEND A STRONG MESSAGE TO THE TERRORISTS, THAT WE’RE NOT GONNA JUST LET THEM RUN OVER AFGHANISTAN.”