Speaking from the newly named “Mute-Button Express,” McCain charged that the liberal media is conspiring to engineer his defeat not only by covering his sparsely-attended town hall meetings, but by actually sending reporters to the press conferences scheduled by McCain himself.

A McCain campaign spokesman, speaking anonymously — since he was no longer allowed to speak at all – added that McCain was shocked at the attention he received last week during his visit to the International House of Bratwurst in Columbus, Ohio, since he was only there to ogle the waitresses decked out like St. Pauli Girls.

Rumors abound that to further this “dope-a-dope” stategy, McCain plans to pull out of the nationally-televised debates this Fall, and to let Obama debate himself, much in the style of Stephen Colbert. Republican strategists heartily endorsed this tactic, which will then allow the right-wing “527s” to attack Obama as “two-faced.”

Omnipresent pundit Pat Buchanan, appearing on every single cable network simultaneously, also hailed this new strategy as “ingenius,” claiming that by McCain “disappearing completely from the radar, the campaign truly does become a referendum on Obama.”

Asked how he plans to spend the rest of the campaign not campaigning, McCain stated that he would probably take a long vacation where reporters could not follow him, “first to Czechoslovakia, then on to a place where I could literally put my feet up, The Ottoman Empire.”

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BLOGWORTHIES:

On a similar note, BuzzFlash’s P.M. Carpenter is optimistic about Obama’s Fortuitous Enemies.

Juan Cole’s perspective on the latest mayhem in Iraq.

Daily Show and Colbert Report recaps, at One Good Move.

NOW on PBS: John Edwards on Poverty — at Crooks & Liars.

“GOOD THING THEY HIRED US FOR SECURITY; I’VE NEVER SEEN THIS PLACE PACKED QUITE LIKE THIS BEFORE.”

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BLOGWORTHIES:

Obama in Berlin, on The Daily Show - via One Good Move.

BuzzFlash on The Impeachment Hearing That Wasn’t.

Political Cartoons of the Week, via Dan Kurtzman.

“ICH BIN EIN MICKEY MOUSE.”

Lisa Casey with a further McCain Campaign Update.

Colbert’s ‘The Word’ – Join the European Union, at One Good Move.

“THE GAFFE  RIOT OF THE SUMMER”  – MSNBC.com

“I LAUGHED, I CRIED, I ALMOST THREW UP” - Arianna Huffington

“DON’T RUN, SURGE, TO SEE IT” – The Drudge Report

“TWO THUMBS UP, HIS OWN ASS“ – Ebert & Roeper

“A SERIOUS CURE FOR WHAT AILES US” – FOX News

“IN VIEW OF MY OWN RECENT FLOPS, MY SIXTH SENSE  IS THAT I SHOULD’VE WRITTEN THIS HORROR MOVIE ABOUT SEEING DEAD PEOPLE.” -M. Night Shyamalan

“McCAIN’S ACTION-PACKED HEROICS IN THE SUPERMARKET DAIRY SECTION IS THE PERFECT FAMILY ENTERTAINMENT.”  – Michael Medved

“WE REFUSED TO REVIEW IT” - The New York Times

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BLOGWORTHIES:

“MY POLLSTERS TELL ME THAT IF I DON’T STOP THIS BLITZKRIEG OF OFFENSIVE BEHAVIOR, I’M GOING TO COMMIT ‘McCAINICIDE‘.”

“IF SENATOR OBAMA DOESN’T PROTECT CZECHOSLOVAKIASTAN – WHICH SHARES A BORDER WITH IRAQISTAN — FROM THE ARABS IN IRANISTAN, THEN HE PROBABLY DOESN’T UNNERSTAN’ THE IMPORTANCE OF RESTORING THE KING OF SIAM.”

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BLOGWORTHIES:

Ed Ciaccio at BuzzFlash: A Quiet Coup —  Cheney/Bush’s Steps To Martial Law.

Stephen Colbert on Barack Obama’s ‘Elitist Summer’ Abroad, via One Good Move.

Lisa Casey, on The ‘Oil Game.’

Dan Kurtzman has The Most Embarrassing Moments of Campaign 2008.

“WHAT I REALLY SAID WAS THAT BUSH AND McCAIN SHOULD WITHDRAW THEIR HEADS FROM THEIR ASSES … PREFERABLY WITHIN THE NEXT 16 SECONDS.” 

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BLOGWORTHIES:

Bush and McCain also in “harmony” on Iran, at All Hat No Cattle.

Obama, Afghanistan, Politics and Promises, by P.M. Carpenter at BuzzFlash.

Juan Cole on Obama in Iraq, and Der Spiegel Proves al-Maliki Story Correct.

“IF JOHN McCAIN IS GONNA’ MAKE ME A TARGET BY REVEALING MY TRIP SCHEDULE OVERSEAS, IT’S ONLY FAIR THAT WE REVEAL HIS SCHEDULE OF TRIPS TO THE BATHROOM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, WHERE HE CAN’T EVEN HIT HIS TARGET.”

“MAYBE INSTEAD OF ‘STANDING UP,’ I SHOULD TRY ‘SITTING DOWN’.”

Background at HuffPost.