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The Satirical Political Report

"The Best Political REAM
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January 22nd, 2009

Caroline Kennedy Declares Her Candidacy for Chief Justice

“I’M MUCH BETTER SUITED FOR THAT JOB. SINCE I’M A BIT SHY I’LL ONLY HAVE TO RECITE 39 WORDS EVERY FOUR YEARS, AND I THINK I CAN ‘FAITHFULLY EXECUTE’ THAT TASK — EVEN IF I ADD THE WORDS ‘YA KNOW’.”

January 21st, 2009

Obama Gets Last Laugh: Tricks Chief Justice into Giving Him a Second Term

“RAHM, IF WE CAN JUST GET ROBERTS TO ADMINISTER THE OATH A COUPLA’ MORE TIMES, I MIGHT BE ABLE TO LAST LONG ENOUGH TO REPLACE SCALIA, THOMAS, ALITO … AND THE CHIEF JUSTICE HIMSELF.” 

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BLOGWORTHIES:

BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin: Of Al Gore’s Presidency Denied, Eight Years of Illegitimacy, and the Triumph of Meritocracy over Corrupt Entitlement.

Inaugural Humor Parade, via Dan Kurtzman.

January 21st, 2009

Transcript Reveals GEORGE W. BUSH Took the Wrong Oath of Office

“I do solemnly swear that I will faithfully make moot the laws of the United States, and will, to the best of my nerve, neglect and end the Constitution of the United States.”

January 21st, 2009

George Bush Even Gets Rejected by ‘The Sunset’

“WE ONLY ALLOW REAL COWBOYS TO RIDE INTO US, NOT SWAGGERING IDIOTS WHO START UNNECESSARY WARS.”

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BLOGWORTHIES:

Lisa Casey on the further limitations of the fake cowboy.

The Daily Show’s Changefest ’09  – at One Good Move.

Juan Cole on Obama’s Pledge to Withdraw from Iraq and the Iraqi Reality.

January 20th, 2009

Supreme Court Fails in Attempt to Reverse Another Election

“I FIGURED IF I MADE OBAMA SCREW-UP, WE COULD STOP THE OATH BEFORE HE SAID ALL THE WORDS THAT COUNT.”

[Chad at BuzzFlash with the story and video, while Norm Jenson has the full Constitutional implications.]

Check out Dan Kurtzman on Surviving the Obama Comedy Crisis. (For my money, I’d keep my eye on the comedy team of John Boehner and Mitch McConnell.)

January 18th, 2009

Barack’s Heroic Action Saves Thousands at Obamastock

“NOW, WE’VE HAD WORD THAT THERE’S BEEN SOME BAD GRANOLA BARS CIRCULATING IN THE CROWD. SO IF IT GETS PASSED TO YOU, YES, YOU SHOULD THROW IT IN THE CAN.”

January 18th, 2009

The Opening Line We’d Like to See in Obama’s Inaugural Speech

“MISSION ACCOMPLISHED — MAJOR DINGBAT OPERATIONS IN THE UNITED STATES HAVE ENDED.”

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More on the BUSH Dregacy:

Putting his Stamp on Wall Street, at All Hat No Cattle; and Keeping us “Safe, 24/6,”‘ at One Good Move.

January 17th, 2009

Joe Biden Tossed Off the Amtrak Whistle Stop Tour

“I DON’T REALLY CARE WHO HE IS — HE WAS TALKING TOO LOUD ON THE CELL PHONE, REPEATING OLD STORIES ABOUT HIS NINETY-YEAR OLD MOTHER GOING TO CONFESSION, AND WORST OF ALL, WHISTLING AT EVERY STOP.”

January 12th, 2009

Here’s One Way for Obama to ‘Move On’ From Bush’s Illegal Policies

“EXACTLY 24 MINUTES AFTER I’M SWORN IN, I’M GONNA’ HAVE JACK BAUER SWOOP IN, ARREST BUSH AND CHENEY RIGHT ON THE PODIUM, AND HAVE THEM RENDITIONED FOR SOME ENHANCED INTERROGATION TECHNIQUES. NOW, UNNERSTAN’, I NORMALLY DON’T BELIEVE IN SHIPPING JOBS OVERSEAS, BUT WE SIMPLY HAVE TO PUT SOME THINGS BEHIND US AND MOVE ON.”  

BLOGWORTHIES:

Apoliticus runs down the Top 5 Inauguration Incidents.

More on the “Bush Legacy,” at All Hat No Cattle and P.M. Carpenter at BuzzFlash.