“I’LL JUST TELL THEM I DON’T REMEMBER GIVING ORDERS TO WATERBOARD ‘EM, STACK THEM NAKED LIKE LAWN CHAIRS, OR MAKE THEM WATCH MY CONGRESSSIONAL TESTIMONY.”

“WHO’S BETTER QUALIFIED THAN SOMEONE WHO STARTS OUT LOOKING LIKE THE ASS-BACKWARDS DICK CHENEY, AND THEN MANAGES TO OUTGROW THAT DISFIGUREMENT.”

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Speaking of reversing gears, Dave Lindorff at BuzzFlash points the Way Forward on Holding the Bush/Cheney Administration Accountable for its Crimes.

Dan Kurtzman with Political Cartoons of the Week.

“SORRY, OTIS, YOU’RE GONNA’ HAVE TO SLEEP THIS ONE OFF SOMEWHERE ELSE TONIGHT — WE GOTTA’ MAKE ROOM FOR KHALID SHAIKH MOHAMMED.”

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“Gee, Pa, can I make a movie about this when I grow up?”

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Lisa Casey on Osama’s reaction.

Norm Jenson with Robert Redford on Maddow, in Acres of Land Saved.

“IN ORDER TO FURTHER SPARE THE PRESIDENT’S HAND AND WRIST, WE’VE DECIDED TO JUST DISPOSE OF ALL THE BUSH EXECUTIVE ORDERS ON A GIANT BONFIRE OF THE INSANITIES.”

“WHAT SIGNAL DOES IT SEND TO THE REST OF THE WORLD WHEN A MAJOR CABLE NETWORK GIVES MORE TIME TO DANGEROUS CHARACTERS THAN TO CHRIS MATTHEWS — NOW WAIT A MINUTE, I’D BETTER KEEP MY OPTIONS OPEN ON THIS ONE.”

“HOW ELSE DO YA’ THINK I’M STILL ‘BREAKING BALLS’ AT AGE 90?”

“DIDJA’ EVER NOTICE THAT MIKE WALLACE’S HEAD HAS GOTTEN ALMOST AS LARGE AS MY EYEBROWS.”

[Dave Zirin at BuzzFlash weighs in on "Clemens Meets Wallace: Butts on Parade."]

 

“HOW DO THEY EXPECT A GUY TO PLAY A LONGSHOT IF HE DOESN’T KNOW WHO’S PLAYING WITH ‘LONGSHOTS’.”

If you haven’t heard by now, the official team of Jesus, the Colorado Rockies, against all Biblical odds, were swept in the World Series by the Boston Red Sox. As highlighted at One Good Move, the Rockies have become baseball’s equivalent of the Bush Justice Department — recruiting “holy rollers” to take their turn at bat with the Lord.

But contrary to popular perception, their defeat was not solely attribuable to being out-hit and out-pitched. Here then, from the home office of Galilee, are the Top Ten Reasons the Rockies were smitten in the World Series:

10. “THOU SHALL NOT STEAL” GREATLY HAMPERED THEIR PROGRESS¬†ON THE BASEPATHS.

¬†9. MISTOOK COACH’S HIT-AND-RUN SIGN FOR “SIGN OF THE CROSS.”

¬†8. HOMOPHOBIA PREVENTED TEAMMATE “ASS-PATTING,” DESTROYING TEAM MORALE.

 7. ROCKIES MANAGER REFUSED TO USE BULLPEN, DRIVING OUT THE PITCHING CHANGERS.

 6. CITING THE APOSTLES, TEAM INSISTED ON PLAYING TWELVE FIELDERS, THUS FORFEITING GAME.

5. “TURNING THE OTHER CHEEK” RESULTED IN¬†OUTFIELDERS GETTING SMACKED BY FLY BALLS.

4. GOT SICK AFTER SWALLOWING CHEWING TOBACCO LIKE COMMUNION WAFERS.

3. REFUSED TO MOUNT LATE INNING RESURRECTIONS WITHOUT A SIGN FROM ABOVE.

2. PITCHING COACH CONFUSED HURLERS WITH SERMON ON THE MOUND.

1. UNMARRIED PLAYERS NOT ALLOWED TO ADVANCE BEYOND FIRST BASE.

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BLOGWORTHIES:

George Lakoff at BuzzFlash on ‘American Values.’

Political Cartoons of the Week, via Dan Kurtzman.

Lisa Casey on Obsessive Compulsive Clinton Disorder.

PDB on The Ugly Republican America.

 

“FORGET THE ASTERISK, JUST HAVE THE RECORD BOOKS SHOW AN A-STEROID.”

 

“DAMN, THAT THING’S¬†EVEN BIGGER THAN MY HEAD.”

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The Background  story.

“I WOULD LIKE TO OFFER MY CONGRATULATIONS TO BARRY BONDS ….”

“DIDJA’ SEE THE SIZE OF THE OLD GUY’S HEAD?¬†¬†LOOKS LIKE HAMMERIN’ HANK’S BEEN ADDING SOME¬†HGH TO HIS¬†PRUNE JUICE.”