“MY GOAL IS TO MAINTAIN CLOSE SUPERVISION OF THE BULLYING REPUBLICANS WHILE THEY’RE AWAY FROM CONGRESS, WHERE THEY’RE LIKELY TO DO MORE EVEN MORE HARM THAN WHEN THEY’RE IN CONGRESS.”

“TONIGHT’S FORECAST: DON’T BELIEVE THE MULTINATIONAL CORPORATIONS ARE PISSING ON YOUR LEG; IT’S REALLY THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION CREATING THE RAIN.”

Here’s the BuzzFlash Forecast: FOX News is a Turn Off. Return the Favor.

“WE CALL ON PRESIDENT OBAMA TO IMMEDIATELY TRADE-IN ALL OF HIS POLICY CZARS, FOR THE TYPE OF DO-NOTHING INCOMPETENTS THAT GEORGE W. BUSH PUT IN PLACE.” 

“NOW, UNDERSTAND, THE CONSTANT USE OF ‘TWAT‘ BY THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION … CLEARLY SENT THE WRONG SIGNAL TO THE MUSLIM WORLD.”

Newsweek’s Michael Isikoff with the story.

“I’LL JUST TELL THEM I DON’T REMEMBER GIVING ORDERS TO WATERBOARD ‘EM, STACK THEM NAKED LIKE LAWN CHAIRS, OR MAKE THEM WATCH MY CONGRESSSIONAL TESTIMONY.”

“WE OPEN WITH A SCENE DURING THE 2000 PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN. AL GORE HITS HIS HEAD ON A LOCKBOX, LOSES CONSCIOUSNESS, AND THEN EXPERIENCES AN EIGHT-YEAR NIGHTMARE OF UNJUSTIFIED WAR, LAWLESSNESS, AND ECONOMIC AND ENVIRONMENTAL DEVASTATION. HEY, IT WORKED IN DALLAS, AND THAT’S PRETTY CLOSE TO WHERE THIS WHOLE FIASCO STARTED ANYWAY. THE ONLY DIFFERENCE IS, A SIMPLE SHOWER WON’T WASH AWAY THE STENCH OF THIS ONE.”

“MR. HOLDER, WE SINCERELY HOPE YOU LOOK FORWARD, NOT BACKWARDS, AND NOT WASTE TIME INVESTIGATING PAST BUSH ADMINISTRATION POLICIES ON TORTURE, ELECTRONIC EAVESDROPPING, AND JUSTICE DEPARTMENT HIRING. … NOW, WE’D LIKE TO SPEND THE NEXT FEW HOURS REVISITING THE MARC RICH PARDON.”

“LARRY, I’LL WITHDRAW MY OBJECTIONS IF SANJAY IS PREPARED TO FILM A SEGMENT WHERE HE SHOOTS HIMSELF IN THE LEG WITH AN UNREGISTERED GUN, AND THEN SEEKS TREATMENT UNDER THE ‘HEALTH CARE PLAN’ OF AN UNEMPLOYED AUTO WORKER WHOSE JOB HAS BEEN SHIPPED OVERSEAS.”

“IT’S A SLAM DUNK THAT PANETTA WON’T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THE WATERBOARDING, BUT IT’S HARD FOR A 70-YEAR OLD GUY TO STAND ON HIS FEET FOR 24 STRAIGHT HOURS.”

“GENERAL SHINSEKI IS RECKLESSLY CLAIMING THAT WE NEED TO ‘OCCUPY’ THE VETERANS HOSPITALS WITH MORE DOCTORS AND NURSES.”