“AS  SOON AS THESE NEW PROCEDURES ARE IMPLEMENTED,  THE AMERICAN PEOPLE WILL NEVER AGAIN HAVE TO LIVE IN FEAR …  OF FAKE ROLEXES.”

“Hey, Leon, do  ya’ think an underwear bomber would go ‘through the gate,’ or go  ‘over-the-fence’ with the ‘no-fly zone’?”

“Don’t really matter, Larry. You just gotta’  get in that underwear bomber’s ass. You open that asshole up and you pull that asshole open, step inside, and spray paint that terrorist motherfucker’s ass. Fuck their whole assholes up. You eat those little airline peanuts, throw the tin foil bag on the ground. Then step out on their ass and leave that asshole wide open so those motherfuckers know you been there.”

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BuzzFlash Editor Mark Karlin deconstrusts the Primal Fear: Bush Terrorized Us and Al Qaeda Won.

“A SPOKESMAN FOR HOMELAND SECURITY SAID THAT THE LAST THING WE WANT TO WORRY ABOUT …  IS A POTENTIAL TERRORIST LIGHTING A FART.”

“He who smelt it — Delta’d it!”

“Permit me to inform you of my desire of going into business relationship with you. As a  wealthy Nigerian firecracker merchant being persecuted by my government, I must immediately transfer $25 million worth of M-80s to your bank account, since I am eager to help your children fully enjoy the next July 4th celebration.”