“Hey, Leon, do  ya’ think an underwear bomber would go ‘through the gate,’ or go  ‘over-the-fence’ with the ‘no-fly zone’?”

“Don’t really matter, Larry. You just gotta’  get in that underwear bomber’s ass. You open that asshole up and you pull that asshole open, step inside, and spray paint that terrorist motherfucker’s ass. Fuck their whole assholes up. You eat those little airline peanuts, throw the tin foil bag on the ground. Then step out on their ass and leave that asshole wide open so those motherfuckers know you been there.”

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BuzzFlash Editor Mark Karlin deconstrusts the Primal Fear: Bush Terrorized Us and Al Qaeda Won.

“Permit me to inform you of my desire of going into business relationship with you. As a  wealthy Nigerian firecracker merchant being persecuted by my government, I must immediately transfer $25 million worth of M-80s to your bank account, since I am eager to help your children fully enjoy the next July 4th celebration.”

“UNDER THE OBAMA HEALTH PLAN, YOU CAN EXPECT TO RECEIVE AFRICAN SPAM ASKING YOU TO SEND YOUR VITAL ORGANS TO AN ORGAN BANK, IN EXCHANGE FOR GOVERNMENT-RUN HEALTH INSURANCE.”

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BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin on the Creeping Signs of GE Intervention in MSNBC’s Progressive Programming.

Dan Kurtzman with Bill Maher Bashing the ‘Birthers’ Over Obama Birth Certificate.

’3 A.M. Phone Call Ad’ Wins Hillary the Presidency, of OnStar

Baseball Decrees the Steroid Age the ‘Shrunken Ball Era’

The Legend of Fred Thompson: A Politician Turned Actor Who Couldn’t Play a Candidate on TV

Evangelicals Claim Prop 8 Protects the Sanctity of Marriages Performed by Elvises in Vegas Chapels

Accused in Hate Crime Plea Bargains Down to ‘Spite’

Famed Photog Annie Leibovitz Uses Negatives to Capture McCain’s Campaign

Iraq Celebrates 5th Anniversary by Re-Gifting Democracy

Rudy Giuliani Reveals His Feet Are Two Different Sizes: a ’9′ and an ’11′

Co-Founder of Slinky Dies, After Falling Down Steps

Pollsters Admit Flaws in Methodology: ‘Exit Polls’ Conducted at Entrances

Sarah Palin Touts Her Experience as a ‘Closet Organizer’

Satirists Riot Over The New Yorker Obama Cartoon

Americans Strongly Believe in God, But One That Only Controls the Outcome of Sporting Events

Due to Snowstorm, Premature Ejaculation Clinic Operating on a 5 Minute Delay

Huckabee Declares He’s Ready to be President From ‘Day Six,’ Literally

Spitzer Scandal Spurs Call for Reform: Public Financing of Hookers

Christian Right Condemns Gay Adoption of Highways

FOX News Blames Obama for Nigerian Spam

Time-Life Issues the Definitive Collection of ‘Bush Scandals’

Sarah Palin Establishes a New ‘Crack in the WOODEN FLOOR’

Stood Up by ‘Joe the Plumber,’ McCain Campaigns with ‘Janitor in a Drum’

Iraqi Shoe Thrower Receives a ‘Seinfeld Sentence’ — Has to Serve as Bush’s Butler (and Shoeshine man)

A Sign of the Times: E*Trade Baby Leaps to Death From His Crib

McCain Claims ‘Multiple House Story’ Helps Him With Mormons

Sarah Palin Takes Phone Call from Napoleon Bonaparte

U.S. Finally Greeted as Liberators, by Wall Street

Lesson Learned: Auto Executives Make Return Trip to D.C. in Flintstones Car

An Ominous Sign for the GOP: Even Mars Turns Blue

Bush’s ‘Mission Accomplished’ Finally Realized: Iraq in Better Shape Than U.S.

Sarah Palin’s Greatest ‘Gift’ to America: Ruining Thanksgiving

Treasury Gives Bailout to Sperm Banks, to Inject Liquidity Into Frozen Markets

Blagojevich, Preparing for the Worst, Plans to Sell His Own ‘Seat’ in Jail

Conspiracy Theory of ‘Second Shoe Thrower’ Raised by Abdul-liver Stone

Bernie Madoff’s Fraud Reaches Beyond Jewish Community: Ran Pyramid Scheme in Egypt

House of Tudor Lays Claim to Vacant NY Senate Seat

Cheney Voices Concern Biden Will Diminish the ‘Vice’ in Vice Presidency

GOP Realizes Its Worst Nightmare: Black Man Elected to Lead U.S. Out of The Dark Ages

Permit me to inform you of my desire of going into business relationship with you. As a member of royalty of Upper East Side of Manhattan, East Hampton and Palm Beach, I must immediately transfer $50 billion to your bank account since I am being persecuted by my government, which has wrongly accused me of trying to kill off charities and college endowments.

I have selected your name among other names due to the fact that you are too reputable to trust anything you read in newspapers. I am also in dire need of your assistance since my own sons are working with the corrupt authorities in my country to poison my good name and reputation.

I have never made a bad trade, because I actually don’t do trades. Instead, I work with my esteemed business associates, the well-renowned Ponzi & Ponzi, Inc., who will ensure that you receive a 12% commission every year, regardless of poor market conditions or downturns in economic cycles.

How do I do it? Volume!

Anticipating to hear from you soon. Thanks and God Bless.

Very truly yours, Oluwalogbo Madoff