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The Satirical Political Report

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June 20th, 2009

Iran’s Clerics Insist They ARE Taking Cues From U.S. ‘Conservatives’

“WE’RE THE PARTY OF ‘LAW AND ORDER SCR’ – SUPPRESSING CIVIL RIGHTS.”

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BuzzFlash Editor Mark Karlin on how the U.S. Election in 2000 Coulda’ Used a Little ‘Iranian Green.

One Good Move with the Daily Show Recap and Colbert Recap.

Dan Kurtzman with The Week’s Best Late-Night Jokes 

June 19th, 2009

Neo-Cons Criticize Obama For Not Pushing Restoration of the Shah

“WHAT BETTER WAY TO RE-INSTALL A PUPPET REGIME THAN BY LITERALLY PROPPING UP A GUY WHO’S BEEN DEAD FOR ALMOST 30 YEARS.”

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On a similar note, Why is Obama Speaking Softly about Iranian Election? Ask North Korea– Analysis by Alyssa Morin at BuzzFlash.

October 4th, 2008

Palin’s Advice: Put MORE Vice in the Vice Presidency

“OF COURSE THE FOUNDERS WERE SMART ENOUGH TO PUT ENOUGH FLEXIBILITY THERE INTO THE CONSTITUTION, SO’S THAT THE VICE PRESIDENT HAS THE POWER TO DESTROY THE CONSTITUTION.” 

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Parody is poetry, with Palin at the bat.

September 23rd, 2008

Cheney Asserts Link Between Saddam and Mortgages of Mass Destruction

“IT’S A WELL-KNOWN FACT THAT SADDAM WAS USING THESE MOBILE LABS TO CUT UP SUB-PRIME MORTGAGES INTO SMALLER SECURITIZED PACKAGES, WHICH HE THEN RELEASED TO PARALYZE THE NERVOUS SYSTEM OF THE FINANCIAL WORLD.” 

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BLOGWORTHIES:

BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin, on More McCain Lies, concerning Obama’s Influence in Getting Ethics Bill Passed in Illinois .

Norm Jenson has the Daily Show Week in Review.

Lisa Casey on how McCain-Palin is “subtraction by addition.”

Dan Kurtzman with Your Urgent Help Needed, a parody of the Nigerian email scam.

September 12th, 2008

Forget ‘For-eign’ Policy, Attila from Wasilla Knows ‘Far-Out’ Policy

‘I GUESS A SMALL-TOWN MAYOR, IS KINDA’ … LIKE … A VIABLE NATIONAL CANDIDATE … BUT WITH ‘IRRESPONSIBILITY‘.” 

September 11th, 2008

Sarah Palin Explains the Real ‘Bush Doctrine’

“CHARLIE, I THINK IT MEANS THAT I WAS PICKED FOR WHAT’S BETWEEN MY LEGS, INSTEAD OF BETWEEN MY EARS.”

August 11th, 2008

McCain Advocates Invasion of South Ossetia: ‘We’ll Be Greeted with Poinsettias’

“I HARDLY THINK SENATOR OBAMA IS QUALIFIED TO DEAL WITH A CRISIS INVOLVING THE CAUCASIAN REGION.”

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Lisa Casey on Beijing Bush.

Olympic Punch Lines, via Dan Kurtzman.

Juan Cole on Mountain of Evidence Marshaled against Musharraf; US Refuses to Back Elected Civilian government.

July 9th, 2008

John McCain’s Old-Fashioned Cigarette Diplomacy

“AS FAR AS IRAN IS CONCERNED, I’D RATHER FIGHT THAN SWITCH … TO COMMON SENSE.”

July 30th, 2006

‘AMERICAN LIE’ (The Long-Awaited Sequel to ‘American Pie’)

A long, long time ago …
I can still remember
How my country, used to make me smile
And I knew if, I had my chance
That I would bring back, Cyrus Vance
And maybe, we’d be peaceful, for a while

But November 2000 made me shiver
Paper chads in Palm Beach not delivered
Bad news on the Court steps
I couldn’t take one more step

I can’t remember if I cried
When I read the Court took Dubya’s side
But something touched me deep inside
The day democracy died

So Hi-Hi, Miss American Lie
Drove my chevy to the levee
But the levee’s not dry
And FEMA boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
Singin’ “this’ll be the day the poor die”
“This’ll be the day the poor die”

Did you write the book of hate?
Against gays do you discriminate?
If the Bible tells you so?
And do you believe in upholding Roe?
Can stem cells save your mortal soul?
And can you teach me how to talk real slow?

Well, I know that you’re in love with Bush
‘Cause I saw you take him up the tush
You can’t afford new shoes
But you still won’t vote for Bluu-uues

I was a lonely Dem, down to my last buck
Working red state precincts in a third-hand truck
But I knew that I was out of luck
The day democracy died

I started singin’
“Hi-Hi, Miss American Lie”
Drove my chevy to the levee
But the levee’s not dry
And FEMA boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
And singin’ “this’ll be the day the poor die”
“This’ll be the day the poor die”

Now for six years we’ve been on our own
GOP graft grows like a rolling stone
But that’s not how it used to be
When the jester acted like a king or queen
In a way that totally pissed John Dean
And a police state, that’s comin’, for you and me

Oh, and while the jester’s looking down
King Cheney stole his thorny crown
Civil liberties, were adjourned
No verdict was returned
And while Condi shut out Richard Clarke
The Neo-Cons war-gamed in the park
And Congress sat out in the dark
The day democracy died

We were singing,
“Hi-Hi, Miss American Lie”
Drove my chevy to the levee
But the levee’s not dry
Them FEMA boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
And singin’ ”this’ll be the day the poor die”
“This’ll be the day the poor die”

Helter skelter in a summer swelter
Cindy Sheehan in a Crawford shelter
Two miles from the ranch, holding a faaaaaa -sssssst
Her protest ended on the grass
With FOX News tryin’, to kick her ass
With the jester, in a motorcade, flying past

Now the aircraft carrier, fore-shadowed doom
While the jester flew in on his broom
Bush tried a victory dance
Oh, but he never got the chance!
‘Cause our soldiers tried to leave the field
The insurgents and militias refused to yield
Do you recall what was revealed
The day democracy died?

We started singing
“Hi-Hi, Miss American Lie”
Drove my chevy to the levee
But the levee’s not dry
Them FEMA boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
And singin’ “this’ll be the day the poor die”
“This’ll be the day the poor die”

Oh, and there they were just, losing face
An Administration in total disgrace
With no time left to start again
So come on, Rummy’s troops be nimble, his troops be quick!
Rummy sittin’ there, just holding his prick
Cause stupidity, is the devil’s only friend

As I watched the jester on the stage
His back “bunched up” like my fists of rage
No Kerry born in France
Could spoil that satan’s chance
And as Iraq flamed high, throughout the night
Killing both Sunnis, and Shiites
I saw Karl Rove laughing with delight
The day democracy died

He was singing,
“Hi-Hi, Miss American Lie”
Drove my chevy to the levee
But the levee’s not dry
Those FEMA boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
And singin’ “this’ll be the day the poor die”
“This’ll be the day the poor die”

I met a girl named Karen Hughes
Who tried to feed us bullshit news
But I just frowned and turned away
I went down to the Congressional Floor
Where I’d seen real oversight, years before
But a Specter, said checks and balances, went away

And in the streets: the ACLU screamed
Bloggers cried, and the liberals dreamed
But protest votes were token
Diebold machines were “fixed,” not broken
And the three men I despise the most:
Bush, Cheney, Rove, in hell they’ll roast
They all caught shit from Daily Kos
The day democracy died

And they were singing, “Hi-Hi, Miss American Lie”
Drove my chevy to the levee
But the levee’s not dry
And FEMA boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
Singin’ “this’ll be the day the poor die”
“This’ll be the day the poor die”

They were singing
“Hi-Hi, Miss American Lie”
Drove my chevy to the levee
But the levee’s not dry
And FEMA boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
Singin’  “this’ll be the day the poor die”

=======================================

For musical version, check out One Good Move.

July 17th, 2006

GOODBYE YELLOWCAKE ROAD (Elton Meets Dubya)

When are you gonna come clean

When will you show your hand

You should have stayed on the ranch

You should have listened to your old man

You know you can’t lie forever

I never did vote for you

No more fodder for your friends to war with

Too many young are singing the blues

Woo-Woo-Woo-Woo

Ahh-Ahh-Ahh-Ahh-Ahh

Ahh-Ahh-Ahh

So goodbye yellowcake road

Where the Neo-Con dogs all howl

You can’t plant me in Ramadi

I’m trading my sword for my plough

Back to the howling old Dick in the woods

Hunting his friends and his foes

Oh I’ve finally decided that all your lies

Will end with the yellowcake road

Ro-Ro-Ro

Ahh-Ahh-Ahh-Ahh-Ahh

Ahh-Ahh-Ahh

What do you think you’ll do then

After Iraq’s up in flames

It’ll take more — than a couple of Rove turds

To set you on your feet again

Maybe you’ll get a replacement

There’s plenty like you to be found

GOP mongrels who ain’t got a conscience

Putting more boots on the ground

Woo-Woo-Woo-Woo

Ahh-Ahh-Ahh-Ahh-Ahh

Ahh-Ahh-Ahh

So goodbye yellowcake road

Where the Cheneys and Rumsfelds all prowl

You can’t plant me in Fallujah

You committed the ultimate foul

Back to the howling old Dick in the woods

Slimy as the horny backed toad

Oh I’ve finally decided that all your lies

Will end with the yellowcake road

Ro-Ro-Ro

Ahh-Ahh-Ahh-Ahh-Ahh

Ahh-Ahh-Ahh

Ahh

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