“NOT ONLY WAS OUR LEAD CHARACTER MAKING DONATIONS TO THE ARYAN BROTHERHOOD, BUT UNLIKE HIS FELLOW RIGHT WINGERS MAKING CONTRIBUTIONS TO THE CHAMBER OF COMMERCE, HE WAS FOOLISH ENOUGH TO MAKE FULL AND OPEN CAMPAIGN DISCLOSURES.”

—————————————————————————————————————————————–

Lisa Casey on the GOP NewSpeak.

“WHAT SIGNAL DOES IT SEND TO THE REST OF THE WORLD WHEN A MAJOR CABLE NETWORK GIVES MORE TIME TO DANGEROUS CHARACTERS THAN TO CHRIS MATTHEWS — NOW WAIT A MINUTE, I’D BETTER KEEP MY OPTIONS OPEN ON THIS ONE.”

Having fired their strength and conditioning coach following a rash of injuries, Yankee owner George Steinbrenner today fired the team’s clubhouse attendant, after the team was literally hit with a rash: a massive epidemic of jock itch.

Pete McGinnity, the 96 year-old clubhouse icon¬†who broke in as a young boy washing the jocks of Ruth and Gehrig, had been the “oldest living Yankee” until he was unceremoniously canned.

Indeed, McGinnity started working for the Bronx Bombers before players wore either protective batting helmets, or protective cups.

Yankee owner George Steinbrenner released a statement through his publicist, Howard Rubenstein, stating that “McGinnity had a long and distingushed career as a Yankee, but as a result of him using the wrong laundry detergent, it was time to give him the Bronx Cheer.”¬†¬†¬†

The jock itch epidemic not only sidelined a number of players, but actually sabotaged a game, after the third-base coach, also afflicted with the rash, inadvertently scratched himself and erroneously sent a signal for a suicide squeeze play.

The heavy-set coach issued a mea culpa, stating: “Today, I consider myself, the yucchiest man, at the base of my girth.”

A movie about McGinnity’s life is already being shopped, to be called¬†The Tide of the Yankees.