“NOW, BOYS AND GIRLS, STAY IN PUBLIC SCHOOL, SHARE YOUR CRAYONS WITH YOUR ELEMENTARY SCHOOL CLASSMATES, AND IF YOU DON’T FEEL WELL, YOU CAN GET FREE HEALTH CARE FROM THE PUBLIC SCHOOL NURSE.”

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Dan Kurtzman with The Week’s Best Late-Night Jokes.

“NOW, I DON’T WANT TO RAISE EXPECTATIONS … NEGOTIATING WITH KIM JONG-IL MAY PROVE TO BE EASIER THAN DEALING WITH THE MENTALLY ILL.”

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Dan Kurtzman with The Week’s Best Late-Night Jokes.

Sarah Palin’s Tiara, at All Hat No Cattle.

“I’M PREPARED TO SELL MY GIANT MAN-SIZED SAFE TO THE IRANIANS, SO THAT THEY CAN DETAIN THE OPPOSITION LEADER. AND WITH THE FUNDS I RECEIVE, I CAN SUBSIDIZE THE GOP’S PLAN TO CONTRA-DICT EVERYTHING OBAMA DOES.”

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More Right Wing Follies:

BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin: Glenn Beck with a Turban Would be Just Another Terrorist in Gitmo as He Daily Commits Treason.

Lisa Casey on the GOP’s Hunt for Red Obama,  and Madkane on Hannity Insanity.

And Dan Kurtzman with The Week’s Best Late-Night Jokes.

“I’M FOR BATTLING THE GREAT DEPRESSION, EIGHTY YEARS AFTER I WAS AGAINST IT.”

Hoover’s spiritual heir, Lindsey Graham, is the BuzzFlash GOP Hypocrite of the Week, for eagerly taking stimulus money after denouncing it. And The NY Times on some of the other Republicans taking the ”Hypocritic Oath.”

Lisa Casey on the “Have$ vs. the Have Not$.”

Demetri Martin’s Creedocide, for Rats – at One Good Move.

Dan Kurtzman with The Week’s Best Late-Night Jokes.

As the shock waves from the Bernard Madoff mishegas reverberate in Jewish communities from Scarsdale to Palm Beach, an even more stunning revelation came to light today: Moses himself was burned by Bernie.

Now retired and living in a God-assisted living facility in Boca Raton, Moses was devastated by the news, and announced that he would now be forced to auction off both the original Ten Commandments, and the Golden Calf he seized from his brother Aaron in a dispute in the Sinai desert.

Asked where he thought Madoff had gone wrong, Moses lamented that “maybe Bernie paid too much attention to the commandment about not using God’s name in vain, and should have given more thought to “Thou Shall Not Steal” and “Thou Shall Not Covet Thy Neighbor’s 401K.”

Moses was also bitter that his own legacy had essentially been wiped out by Madoff’s madness: “I risked my life and more than 40 years trying to free my people, and now, because of that sonuvabitch, all the Jews are gonna’ have to go back to working like slaves. In fact, they may even have to … let their own people go.”

Moses conceded, however, that he and other investors should have seen the red flags, particularly when they received statements showing that Madoff had put them into the Ten Plagues Total Return Fund.  “Believe you me,” added the Hebrew Prophet, “I’ve seen Pyramid schemes before, but this one really takes the matzoh.”  

Asked what punishment he thought would be appropriate for Madoff, Moses demurred, but said that this might be a better question for his good friend and roommate Abraham, “who really is the expert at sacrifices.”

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BLOGWORTHIES:

From Moses to Jesus: Cheerleaders for Christ, by BuzzFlash’s Chad Rubel.

The latest on Shoegate, at All Hat No Cattle.

The Sunday Funnies, at One Good Move.

Dan Kurtzman has The Week’s Best Late-Night Jokes, and Political Cartoons of the Week.

“OUR LEAD STORY TONIGHT.  AFTER VIEWING SARAH PALIN’S ‘FOWL’ INTERVIEW, MILLIONS OF AMERICANS ARE CANCELLING THEIR ORDERS FOR ‘TOM THE TURKEY,’ AND PLANNING TO GO WITH TOFU BURGERS THIS THANKSGIVING. REPORTING ON THE LONG LINES AT TIMMY’S TOFU HUT IN TALLAHASSEE,  HERE’S ANDREA MITCHELL.”

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BLOGWORTHIES:

Meg White at BuzzFlash: Let the Unions Run the Big Three: Fire the Execs and Sell Their Private Jets.

The Daily Show Celebrates Iraq Surrenders, via One Good Move.

Lisa Casey on Palin the Turkey: Deliverance Meets Fargo .

Dan Kurtzman with The Week’s Best Late-Night Jokes.

“IT’S TIME FOR THE WORLD TO FOLLOW AMERICA’S LEAD, AND ALLOW THEIR CITIZENS THE FREEDOM TO STARVE, LIVE IN THE STREETS, AND USE THE NEW YORK TIMES FOR TOILET PAPER.”

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Mark Karlin’s reality check: The Myth of the Democratic Filibuster Proof Senate.

Bill Maher’s New Rules, at One Good Move.

Dan Kurtzman with The Week’s Best Late-Night Jokes.

“ALRIGHT YOU NUT JOBS, YOU LUNATICS … NOW WE’VE GOT A CANDIDATE IN JOHN FUCKIN’ McCAINIAC WHO REALLY IS ONE OF US!”

“COME NOW, SENATOR McCAIN, IT’S TIME FOR YOUR MEDS.”

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BLOGWORTHIES:

More on Mad Mac at BuzzFlash – The Lynch Mob Politics of McCain-Palin, and McCain’s Moronic Journey into Madness.   

Madkane’s Team Of Liars (Limerick).

Dan Kurtzman with The Week’s Best Late-Night Jokes.

THE HUSTLER                COOL HAND LUKE

“THE VERDICT: THE HUSTLER, ON THE ROAD TO PERDITION, WHO LOVES THE COLOR OF MONEY, TRIED TO TAKE A SLAP SHOT AT COOL HAND LUKE, WHO PROVED TO BE NOBODY’S FOOL IN MAKING SURE THE GOP EMPIRE FALLS.”

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BLOGWORTHIES:

Bill Maher’s New Rules, at One Good Move. 

The Week’s Best Late-Night Jokes, via Dan Kurtzman.