“A SPOKESMAN FOR GOOGLE SAID: ‘WE HAVE NO FREAKIN’ IDEA HOW MANY SHOWED UP, BUT IT DOES CLEARLY APPEAR THAT THEY ALL SUDDENLY MATERIALIZED FROM THE CENTER OF THE EARTH’.” 

“THE HOODS AND BURNING CROSSES WERE MERELY TO KEEP THE PEACEFUL PROTESTORS WARM, ON A RATHER BRISK, 78 DEGREE D.C. DAY.”

“AFTER WATCHING McCAIN OVER THE LAST FEW WEEKS, WE DECIDED WE PREFER A ‘HALF-WHITE’ OVER A ‘HALF-WIT’.”