10.  Conjugal visits by 72 virgins would severely strain resources of U.S. Marshall’s Service.

9. Federal Civil Rights laws bar anal plunging.

8. NY License Plates would suddenly read ‘JIHADMAN.’

7. Thufferin’ Thuccotash! Terrorists would have better speech therapy than Rudy.

6. 9/11 plotters would be less estranged from their families than Rudy.

5. Afraid they’ll get more media exposure than Rudy through MSNBC’s Al Qaeda Lockup.

4. Terrorists may let Bernard Kerik use their cells for secret prison trysts.

3.  Defendants could get representation by Rudy’s ‘Cousin Vinny’.”

2. Successful prosecutions would overshadow Rudy’s own 100% conviction rate against squeegee men.

1.  Since gas chamber has been abolished, Rudy would look silly witnessing executions wearing his gas mask.

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Norm Jenson with Jon Stewart’s rip of Rudy.

“I DON’T CARE IF THE OBAMA JUSTICE DEPARTMENT SEEKS THE DEATH PENALTY, THEY SIMPLY DON’T HAVE THE POWER TO PUT KSM ON DOUBLE SECRET PROBATION.”

“UNLIKE THE NORMAL SITUATION,  THE U.S. MARSHALLS WILL ACTUALLY LET THE TERRORISTS HIT THEIR HEADS GETTING IN AND OUT OF THE CAR.”

“AND BEST OF ALL, WHEN IT COMES TO WATERBOARDING, YOU CAN USE THIS AMAZING CLOTH OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN …. HEY CAMERAMAN, DON’T WORRY IF YOU MISS A SHOT, I’LL BE HAPPY TO DEMONSTRATE THIS ALL DAY LONG.”

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Waterboarding meets the Water Pik, at All Hat No Cattle.

Madkane on Rick Perry’s tortured logic, in Secession? Did I Say Secession?

“AS THE REST OF THE WORLD SEES THAT HACK REPUBLICAN LAWYERS TORTURED THE LAW, THE ENTIRE PHILOSOPHY OF OUR PARTY WILL BE STRIPPED BARE LIKE A DETAINEE AT ABU GHRAIB.”

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BuzzFlash Editor Mark Karlin on Murder He Wrote: Why Aren’t Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld Being Prosecuted? 

Madkane on the GOP: They Only Have Themselves To Blame.

Juan Cole on the Pakistan Crisis and Social Statistics.

“WE REALLY HAD NO CHOICE … THE OLD FUCKER REFUSED TO GIVE UP HIS SECRET RECIPE OF 11 MIDDLE EASTERN HERBS AND SPICES.”

“WE’LL BE FILING A CLAIM WITH THE WORLD TRADE ORGANIZATION SEEKING ROYALTIES FOR THE LAST 59 YEARS, GOING ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE KOREAN WAR.”

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“They were following orders,” by Lisa Casey.

John Boehner admits it’s torture – at Crooks & Liars.

Norm Jenson has The Daily Show’s hilarious The Stockholm Syndrome Part 1 and Part 2.

“THE ONLY REASON TO EMERGE FROM THE DARKNESS … IS TO PERPETUATE THE DARKNESS.”

“WE FOUND THAT IF THE DETAINEE HAD TUNA FOR LUNCH, WE’D HAVE TO WAIT AT LEAST 20 MINUTES BEFORE WATERBOARDING TO AVOID DROWNING HIM. BUT IF WE FORCED HIM TO FIRST EAT A HOT DOG, THE WATERBOARDING HAD TO BE DELAYED FOR 20 HOURS.”

Christine Bowman at BuzzFlash: For Torture Poster Boy and Advocate Dick Cheney, Darth Vader* Is Too Kind a Nickname. 

Lisa Casey on the Bushwellian tortured-talk.

Madkane on Rudy’s Family Values.

“I STILL REFUSED TO ASK ANY QUESTIONS AT ORAL ARGUMENT, BUT I DID CONDUCT MY OWN PERSONAL WRIT OF SEARCH-IORARI.”

The real story here.

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And on the big CIA torture story:

P. M. Carpenter at BuzzFlash on Obama’s long and labored path to doing the right thing.

Jon Perr on the GOP’s Seinfeld Defense of Torture.

Lisa Casey on the irrepressible Dickster.