“NOW, I DON’T KNOW IF OUR STIMULUS AND BANK BAILOUT PLANS ARE GONNA’ WORK, BUT I WILL CONTINUE TO TRAVEL AROUND THIS GREAT COUNTRY … UNTIL I FIND JOBS AND HOMES FOR EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU.”

“NOW, MANY PEOPLE URGED ME TO PICK HOWARD DEAN, BUT THIS KID CAN SCREAM MUCH BETTER, AND WITH HIS WORK HISTORY, YA’ REALLY DON’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT HIM HAVIN’ ANY TAX PROBLEMS.”

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Jon Perr weighs in with Lincoln, Darwin and the Know-Nothing Republicans.