KING ABDULLAH II

“HEY, IT WAS JUST ‘SATIRE,’ HOW WERE WE TO KNOW IT WOULD START ANOTHER MIDDLE EAST WAR?”

“WE’RE NOW IN DEFAULT ON BOTH OUR TAX DOLLARS, AND COMMON SENSE.”

Crooks & Liars with the story.

 

“I’M SORRY MY FIRST QUESTION TOOK SO LONG; WE’RE COMPLETELY OUT OF TIME…. GO JEFF GORDON!”

 

“OK GOD, LET ME PUT UP ON THE SCREEN ONE OF THE KEY COMMANDMENTS YOU HANDED DOWN: ‘THOU SHALL NOT KILL.’ BUT HOW DO YOU SQUARE THAT WITH ¬†ALL THE HURRICANES, FLOODS AND OTHER NATURAL DISASTERS THAT YOU YOURSELF HAVE CREATED?”

“WHO NEEDS STEROIDS OR BLOOD-DOPING WHEN YOU’RE BEING CHASED BY ANGRY MOBS.”

 

“IT WAS A MUCH BETTER OPTION¬†THAN GOING TO PROSTITUTES. THERE, I COULD PAY FOR A ‘SEVEN DIAMOND’ GIRL, AND HAVE NO WAY OF KNOWING IF I¬†GOT ‘BAIT AND SWITCHED’¬†TO A TEN DOLLAR SKANK.”

 

“THE DAMNED FOOL WAS NO ‘ROUGH RIDER,’ BUT PREFERRED TO GO ‘BAREBACK.’¬†BULLY!”¬†¬†

 

“I GUESS I’D HAVE TO BE DOING IT IN AN AIRPLANE RESTROOM, TRAVELING INTERSTATE, TO BE ELIGIBLE FOR THESE BENEFITS.”

[Dan Kurtzman has the Eliot Spitzer Joke Round-Up.]

“IN FACT, NOW I CAN SEE WHAT INSPIRED HILLARY’S CAMPAIGN STRATEGIST TO WRITE ‘MICROTRENDS‘.”

 

A candidate I know just came from Chicago streets
He smiled because I did not understand
Then he held out some marijuana, oh ho
He said it was the best in all the land

[From Ringo Starr's The No No Song, and the background story]

“Hillary’s more divisive than Yoko.”