“AND AFTER THE WELFARE STATE OF PLYMOUTH COMPLETELY BROKE DOWN, AND WAS REDUCED TO A MERE COLONY, THINGS GOT SO BAD THAT THE PILGRIMS HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO TURN TO NAZI SOUP KITCHENS.”

Background at Crooks & Liars.

Stossel, whose trademark is challenging not only conventional wisdom but established facts, such as global warming and the “roundness” of the Earth, contends that the rats and cockroaches make good pets for the vets, particularly those who are far from home.

Stossel even claims that some of the vermin can be trained as “guide rats” to help the sight-impaired veterans.  ”And if you’ve seen the size of some of those rodents,” Stossel added, “it’s really no different than having a dog.”

Stossel also criticized the use of protective helmets for those vets with brain injuries, claiming that “they merely encourage these soldiers to shuffle recklessly from their bed to the bathroom.”

As far as the cockroaches are concerned, Stossel conceded that they didn’t provide much functional value, but asserted that their “mere presence will motivate amputees to ‘get back on their feet’ and start to recover a sense of independence.”

“After all, there’s nothing more destructive to the core values of America than a bunch of veterans feeling sorry for themselves and licking their wounds.”

At the end of his segment, Stossel also gave Barbara Walters a preview of his next story: “How wars, famine and genocide are good for thinning the population, something that those eco-terrorist liberals should really get on board with.”

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BLOGWORTHIES:

BuzzFlash: Fired Walter Reed General Had Questionable History.

Lisa Casey’s Troop Supporters.

Greed and Ideology trump national defense, at PDB.

John Amato on the Bushies’ North Korea screw-ups.

Norm Jenson with Bush screwing the poor.

Dan Kurtzman with Late Night Presidential Race humor.

Although Gibson blamed his outburst on alcohol, many speculate that he was really venting his frustration over failing to land the Matt Dillon role of the racist cop in the Oscar-winning movie, Crash.

However, there is really no dispute that Mr. Gibson’s intoxication played a major role in the incident, since the deputy who was asked by Gibson about his possible Jewish heritage –¬†was actually black.

While it has been widely reported that the LAPD initially tried to cover up the incident, the full extent of their attempt to “scrub” the record is now first coming to light.¬† Indeed, Gibson’s reported comment that he “owns Malibu” was really a doctored version of his actual words, that he “owned Malijew.”

In addition, the transcript of the confrontation was also changed to read that “the Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world,” when the original reflects that Gibson had instead claimed that “since the Jews are all the dermatologists, they’re responsible for all the warts in the world.”

Gibson’s offensive remarks were not¬†aimed¬†solely at Jews, as he also referred to a female officer as “sugar tits.”¬† Surprisingly, however, the blowback from this remark¬†has not come from the National Organization of Women, but from the National Society for the Prevention of Diabetes.

Gibson, however, did seem genuinely contrite about his anti-Semitic remarks, and promised to make it up to the Jewish people by casting one of their own in the title role, without any stunt doubles, in the remake of Passion of the Christ.