“AND THAT’S PRECISELY WHY SOME OF THE NEW APPS ALLOW YOU TO BREATHE COAL DUST WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO LEAVE YOUR OWN HOME.”

Story here.

“UNDER MY BILL, PEOPLE LIKE MYSELF WILL BE CONTACTED BY A COUNSELOR EVERY 90 SECONDS, BEFORE I DO THE ULTIMATE HARM TO MYSELF, WHAT LITTLE IS LEFT OF MY REPUTATION, AND THE ENTIRE COUNTRY.”

Story here.

“NOW, IF I WAS STILL IN THE SERVICE, I’D WANT TO KNOW IF THE GUY IN THE NEXT BUNK WAS A HOMOSEXUAL, SO I COULD MAKE PLANS  TO SLEEP IN MY BODY ARMOR.”

“I fully support the NOH8 campaign and all it stands for and am proud to be a part of it. ….But I stand by my husband’s stance on DADT.” {Actual Tweet by CindyhM1}

Full story at HuffPost.

“IT’S A WELL-KNOWN FACT THAT THOSE FOLKS YOU SEE STANDING ON THE SO-CALLED ‘UNEMPLOYMENT LINES’ ARE ACTUALLY GETTING PAID TO HOLD THE PLACE FOR OTHER PEOPLE … WHO THEN GET PAID FOR HOLDING THE  PLACE FOR THIS GROUP.”

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More GOP Loopies, at All Hat No Cattle.

McCain and Cantor, the big little men, by P.M. Carpenter at BuzzFlash.

“NOW IF YOU THINK PRESIDENT OBAMA HAS BEEN PERSONALLY INTERVENING IN AREAS THAT HE SHOULD STAY OUT OF …  YOU AIN’T SEEN NOTHING YET!

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Staying somewhat on topic, BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin Asks: Is the Seat of Power in the U.S. on Wall Street and K Street, Not in the White House?

GOP duet of MCain and Graham still singing the same old song, at All Hat No Cattle.

Dan Kurtzman on Obama’s Performance at the Radio and TV Correspondents’ Dinner.

“MR. PRESIDENT, I THINK IT WOULD BE A GREAT SIGNAL TO THE COUNTRY IF YOU AND YOUR FAMILY COULD MOVE TO ‘THE LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE,’ WHERE CINDY AND I COULD WAVE TO YOU AS WE FLY OVER IN OUR PRIVATE JET.”

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P.M. Carpenter at BuzzFlash on the GOP’s most curious playbook.

Bill Maher’s Back with New Rules, via One Good Move.

9. During pre-game ceremonies, the US Airways crew was denied their request to demonstrate how to work a flotation device before a national audience.

8. For the coin toss, General Petraeus used a made-to-order coin with the sides “Surge,” and  “Surge.”

7. Mickey Rourke put Springsteen in a sleeper hold after the Boss failed to include ‘The Wrestler’ song in his half-time show.

6. Impressed with the Pepsi commercials in which everything blows up, the GOP recruited McGruber to run with Palin in 2012.

5. The stadium pirate ship  was taken over by Somali Pirates, who hijacked both teams’ running games.

4. Kurt Warner’s devastating interception was caused by his inability to communicate with God on his helmet radio.

3. The E*Trade Baby blew all his day-trading profits by betting the “under.”

2. When his home-state Cardinals fell behind at half-time, John McCain tried to get the game suspended.

1. Super Bowl MVP Santonio Holmes referrred to the “sticky Lombardi Trophy,” only after viewing the “feed switch” from the game to a pornographic film.

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And Dan Rosa with Arizonan Complains That 10 Seconds of Super Bowl Interrupted His Porn.

’3 A.M. Phone Call Ad’ Wins Hillary the Presidency, of OnStar

Baseball Decrees the Steroid Age the ‘Shrunken Ball Era’

The Legend of Fred Thompson: A Politician Turned Actor Who Couldn’t Play a Candidate on TV

Evangelicals Claim Prop 8 Protects the Sanctity of Marriages Performed by Elvises in Vegas Chapels

Accused in Hate Crime Plea Bargains Down to ‘Spite’

Famed Photog Annie Leibovitz Uses Negatives to Capture McCain’s Campaign

Iraq Celebrates 5th Anniversary by Re-Gifting Democracy

Rudy Giuliani Reveals His Feet Are Two Different Sizes: a ’9′ and an ’11′

Co-Founder of Slinky Dies, After Falling Down Steps

Pollsters Admit Flaws in Methodology: ‘Exit Polls’ Conducted at Entrances

Sarah Palin Touts Her Experience as a ‘Closet Organizer’

Satirists Riot Over The New Yorker Obama Cartoon

Americans Strongly Believe in God, But One That Only Controls the Outcome of Sporting Events

Due to Snowstorm, Premature Ejaculation Clinic Operating on a 5 Minute Delay

Huckabee Declares He’s Ready to be President From ‘Day Six,’ Literally

Spitzer Scandal Spurs Call for Reform: Public Financing of Hookers

Christian Right Condemns Gay Adoption of Highways

FOX News Blames Obama for Nigerian Spam

Time-Life Issues the Definitive Collection of ‘Bush Scandals’

Sarah Palin Establishes a New ‘Crack in the WOODEN FLOOR’

Stood Up by ‘Joe the Plumber,’ McCain Campaigns with ‘Janitor in a Drum’

Iraqi Shoe Thrower Receives a ‘Seinfeld Sentence’ — Has to Serve as Bush’s Butler (and Shoeshine man)

A Sign of the Times: E*Trade Baby Leaps to Death From His Crib

McCain Claims ‘Multiple House Story’ Helps Him With Mormons

Sarah Palin Takes Phone Call from Napoleon Bonaparte

U.S. Finally Greeted as Liberators, by Wall Street

Lesson Learned: Auto Executives Make Return Trip to D.C. in Flintstones Car

An Ominous Sign for the GOP: Even Mars Turns Blue

Bush’s ‘Mission Accomplished’ Finally Realized: Iraq in Better Shape Than U.S.

Sarah Palin’s Greatest ‘Gift’ to America: Ruining Thanksgiving

Treasury Gives Bailout to Sperm Banks, to Inject Liquidity Into Frozen Markets

Blagojevich, Preparing for the Worst, Plans to Sell His Own ‘Seat’ in Jail

Conspiracy Theory of ‘Second Shoe Thrower’ Raised by Abdul-liver Stone

Bernie Madoff’s Fraud Reaches Beyond Jewish Community: Ran Pyramid Scheme in Egypt

House of Tudor Lays Claim to Vacant NY Senate Seat

Cheney Voices Concern Biden Will Diminish the ‘Vice’ in Vice Presidency

GOP Realizes Its Worst Nightmare: Black Man Elected to Lead U.S. Out of The Dark Ages