’3 A.M. Phone Call Ad’ Wins Hillary the Presidency, of OnStar

Baseball Decrees the Steroid Age the ‘Shrunken Ball Era’

The Legend of Fred Thompson: A Politician Turned Actor Who Couldn’t Play a Candidate on TV

Evangelicals Claim Prop 8 Protects the Sanctity of Marriages Performed by Elvises in Vegas Chapels

Accused in Hate Crime Plea Bargains Down to ‘Spite’

Famed Photog Annie Leibovitz Uses Negatives to Capture McCain’s Campaign

Iraq Celebrates 5th Anniversary by Re-Gifting Democracy

Rudy Giuliani Reveals His Feet Are Two Different Sizes: a ’9′ and an ’11′

Co-Founder of Slinky Dies, After Falling Down Steps

Pollsters Admit Flaws in Methodology: ‘Exit Polls’ Conducted at Entrances

Sarah Palin Touts Her Experience as a ‘Closet Organizer’

Satirists Riot Over The New Yorker Obama Cartoon

Americans Strongly Believe in God, But One That Only Controls the Outcome of Sporting Events

Due to Snowstorm, Premature Ejaculation Clinic Operating on a 5 Minute Delay

Huckabee Declares He’s Ready to be President From ‘Day Six,’ Literally

Spitzer Scandal Spurs Call for Reform: Public Financing of Hookers

Christian Right Condemns Gay Adoption of Highways

FOX News Blames Obama for Nigerian Spam

Time-Life Issues the Definitive Collection of ‘Bush Scandals’

Sarah Palin Establishes a New ‘Crack in the WOODEN FLOOR’

Stood Up by ‘Joe the Plumber,’ McCain Campaigns with ‘Janitor in a Drum’

Iraqi Shoe Thrower Receives a ‘Seinfeld Sentence’ — Has to Serve as Bush’s Butler (and Shoeshine man)

A Sign of the Times: E*Trade Baby Leaps to Death From His Crib

McCain Claims ‘Multiple House Story’ Helps Him With Mormons

Sarah Palin Takes Phone Call from Napoleon Bonaparte

U.S. Finally Greeted as Liberators, by Wall Street

Lesson Learned: Auto Executives Make Return Trip to D.C. in Flintstones Car

An Ominous Sign for the GOP: Even Mars Turns Blue

Bush’s ‘Mission Accomplished’ Finally Realized: Iraq in Better Shape Than U.S.

Sarah Palin’s Greatest ‘Gift’ to America: Ruining Thanksgiving

Treasury Gives Bailout to Sperm Banks, to Inject Liquidity Into Frozen Markets

Blagojevich, Preparing for the Worst, Plans to Sell His Own ‘Seat’ in Jail

Conspiracy Theory of ‘Second Shoe Thrower’ Raised by Abdul-liver Stone

Bernie Madoff’s Fraud Reaches Beyond Jewish Community: Ran Pyramid Scheme in Egypt

House of Tudor Lays Claim to Vacant NY Senate Seat

Cheney Voices Concern Biden Will Diminish the ‘Vice’ in Vice Presidency

GOP Realizes Its Worst Nightmare: Black Man Elected to Lead U.S. Out of The Dark Ages

“WE WANTED TO SHOW AN OLDER GUY WHO WAS ACTUALLY COHERENT AND ‘ON THE CASE’.”

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“I CONGRATULATE GOVERNOR SCHWARZENEGGER IN LEADING HIS STATE TO BECOME THE FIRST TO BAN OVERWEIGHT WOMEN WITH PENISES.”

“THE GAFFE  RIOT OF THE SUMMER”  – MSNBC.com

“I LAUGHED, I CRIED, I ALMOST THREW UP” - Arianna Huffington

“DON’T RUN, SURGE, TO SEE IT” – The Drudge Report

“TWO THUMBS UP, HIS OWN ASS“ – Ebert & Roeper

“A SERIOUS CURE FOR WHAT AILES US” – FOX News

“IN VIEW OF MY OWN RECENT FLOPS, MY SIXTH SENSE  IS THAT I SHOULD’VE WRITTEN THIS HORROR MOVIE ABOUT SEEING DEAD PEOPLE.” -M. Night Shyamalan

“McCAIN’S ACTION-PACKED HEROICS IN THE SUPERMARKET DAIRY SECTION IS THE PERFECT FAMILY ENTERTAINMENT.”  – Michael Medved

“WE REFUSED TO REVIEW IT” - The New York Times

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BLOGWORTHIES:

“IF SENATOR OBAMA DOESN’T PROTECT CZECHOSLOVAKIASTAN – WHICH SHARES A BORDER WITH IRAQISTAN — FROM THE ARABS IN IRANISTAN, THEN HE PROBABLY DOESN’T UNNERSTAN’ THE IMPORTANCE OF RESTORING THE KING OF SIAM.”

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BLOGWORTHIES:

Ed Ciaccio at BuzzFlash: A Quiet Coup —  Cheney/Bush’s Steps To Martial Law.

Stephen Colbert on Barack Obama’s ‘Elitist Summer’ Abroad, via One Good Move.

Lisa Casey, on The ‘Oil Game.’

Dan Kurtzman has The Most Embarrassing Moments of Campaign 2008.