“WE’LL BE FILING A SUIT ON BEHALF OF JOHN McCAIN, ASSERTING THAT UNDER THE ORIGINAL INTENT OF THE CONSTITUTION, THE VOTES OF AFRICAN-AMERICANS SHOULD ONLY BE COUNTED THREE-FIFTHS.”

“CHRIS, I THINK THE TEAM LOSING AFTER 60 MINUTES SHOULD BE GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY TO HAVE ‘INSTANT REPLAY’ OF THE ENTIRE GAME.”

“I HAD TO DUMP HOCKEY MOM SARAH, IN FAVOR OF MOTHER MARY, SINCE SHE’S THE ONE WHO CAN SEE JESUS ON HER BLOUSE.”

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BLOGWORTHIES:

Democratic Governors May be the Saviors of Free and Fair Elections, at BuzzFlash.

Feeling Blue in the Reddest State, at One Good Move.

Lisa Casey with a Palin Wish.

Dan Kurtzman with the Best of ’08: Top 100 Funny Pictures and Cartoons.

Madkane on An Obsessive’s Lament.

“BY THE END OF TOMORROW, ‘JOE THE PLUMBER’ WILL BE JUST ABOUT THE ONLY WORKING MAN WITH HIS HEAD UP THE CRACK OF HIS ASS.”

“NOW, I JUST TELL ‘EM, IF YOU’RE THE KIND OF PERSON THAT CAN’T DECIDE BETWEEN CHOCOLATE AND VANILLA, THEN I’M YOUR MAN.”

“TOM, WHAT I MEANT TO SAY WAS THAT IF YOU’RE A PLUMBER MAKING OVER $250K, YOUR PURCHASES WILL BE ELIGIBLE FOR A TAX CREDIT.”

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Mark Karlin on The Real America vs. the Republican Party of Intolerance.

Bill Maher’s New Rules on the Best Election Over, at One Good Move.

And Lisa Casey Provides a Sneak Preview of … 2012!

“AND THAT’S NOT ALL. IN ADDITION TO MY SOUL, I’LL THROW IN A  SARAH PALIN BLOW-UP DOLL AND A ‘JOE THE PLUMBER’ TOILET PLUNGER.  BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE – IF YOU CALL WITHIN THE NEXT 30 MINUTES, YOU’LL ALSO RECEIVE A GOP POCKET CALCULATOR THAT UNDERCOUNTS BARACK OBAMA’S VOTE .”

                   AUGUST 2008

“HELLO, SENATOR McCAIN?  … YES, I PROMISE YOU THAT I’M A COMPETENT, HONEST, INTELLIGENT PUBLIC SERVANT.”

Story/Audio at Huffington Post.

“I WOULD HAVE PREFERRED THAT THE SONUVABITCH HAD SHOT ME IN THE FACE … YOU KNOW WHAT, HE JUST DID.”

“NOW IF YOU EVER RUN FOR PRESIDENT, AND BEHAVE JUST LIKE ME, YOU WON’T END UP IN THE WHITE HOUSE, BUT LIVING IN EIGHT MANSIONS, OVERLOOKING THE RIVER.”