“YOU REALLY LET US DOWN, JOHN. NOT ONLY DID YOU HAVE BEATLE-LIKE HAIR, BUT PICKING DAVE MATTHEWS FOR A ROOFTOP CEREMONY IS THE ULTIMATE HERESY.”

“JOHN-JOHN WAS A MAN WHO THOUGHT HE WAS A WOMAN ….”

[Story at HuffPost.]

“WHADDYA’ EXPECT, I HAVE THE SAME FOREIGN POLICY TUTOR AS JOHN McCAIN.”

————————————————————————————-

BLOGWORTHIES:

The “True McCain” Position on Abortion, at BuzzFlash.

A real look into Putin’s eyes, at All Hat No Cattle.

Dan Kurtzman with the John Edwards Sex Scandal Humor Roundup.

“IF BILL COULD’VE PLAYED THE ‘RACY’ CARD INSTEAD OF THE ‘RACE’ CARD, HILLARY WOULD’VE GOTTEN THE SYMPATHY VOTE AND STILL BE IN THE RACE.”

“AL, THAT MOVE’S NEVER EVEN BEEN TRIED BEFORE — A TRIPLE REVERSE, FOLLOWED BY A DOUBLE TWIST FLIP-FLOP, TOPPED OFF WITH A STRADDLE-BACK AND A HEAD-TUCK UP HIS ASS.”

—————————————————————————-

BLOGWORTHIES:

Olympic Punch Lines, via Dan Kurtzman.

Will Durst’s Top Ten Events in the Chinese Olympiad.

BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin asks if Cheney Was Behind the Anthrax Attacks.

Madkane’s My “Dear John” Edwards Letter.

Norm Jenson with Thomas Frank on the Colbert Report, making his argument ”that conservatives suck.”

“GET RIELE — I WAS LUCKY I WASN’T ALSO BORN WITH A TON OF MOUSSE AND HAIRSPRAY.”

“NOW, IF JOHN HAD JUST PROPERLY INFLATED HIS SEX DOLL, HE COULD’VE COMPLETELY AVOIDED UNNECESSARY ‘DRILLING’.”

“TO BE HONEST, I FIGURED THAT IF I STARTED DRILLING IN 2006, THE RESULTS WOULDN’T BE KNOWN UNTIL 10 YEARS LATER, AFTER MY SECOND TERM AS PRESIDENT.”

——————————————————————————

BLOGWORTHIES:

American Conservative Wants Us to Believe WMD Forgery was Work of Pentagon, not CIA – at BuzzFlash.

To Drill or Not to Drill, on The Daily Show, via One Good Move.

Lisa Casey addresses the War Criminal Question.

“IN ONE SENSE, YOU’RE NEVER REALLY PREPARED TO HANDLE EXTRA-MARITAL AFFAIRS. EVEN AFTER MY WHOLE FIRST TERM AS PRESIDENT, I STILL SCREWED IT UP.”

Speaking from the newly named “Mute-Button Express,” McCain charged that the liberal media is conspiring to engineer his defeat not only by covering his sparsely-attended town hall meetings, but by actually sending reporters to the press conferences scheduled by McCain himself.

A McCain campaign spokesman, speaking anonymously — since he was no longer allowed to speak at all – added that McCain was shocked at the attention he received last week during his visit to the International House of Bratwurst in Columbus, Ohio, since he was only there to ogle the waitresses decked out like St. Pauli Girls.

Rumors abound that to further this “dope-a-dope” stategy, McCain plans to pull out of the nationally-televised debates this Fall, and to let Obama debate himself, much in the style of Stephen Colbert. Republican strategists heartily endorsed this tactic, which will then allow the right-wing “527s” to attack Obama as “two-faced.”

Omnipresent pundit Pat Buchanan, appearing on every single cable network simultaneously, also hailed this new strategy as “ingenius,” claiming that by McCain “disappearing completely from the radar, the campaign truly does become a referendum on Obama.”

Asked how he plans to spend the rest of the campaign not campaigning, McCain stated that he would probably take a long vacation where reporters could not follow him, “first to Czechoslovakia, then on to a place where I could literally put my feet up, The Ottoman Empire.”

————————————————————————————

BLOGWORTHIES:

On a similar note, BuzzFlash’s P.M. Carpenter is optimistic about Obama’s Fortuitous Enemies.

Juan Cole’s perspective on the latest mayhem in Iraq.

Daily Show and Colbert Report recaps, at One Good Move.

NOW on PBS: John Edwards on Poverty — at Crooks & Liars.