“I REFUSE TO CHEW UP THE NEW YORK TIMES, CRAP ON THE CONSTITUTION … OR TAKE ANY SHIT FROM THE VICE PRESIDENT’S DOG.”

“ALRIGHT, YOU MANIACS, YOU LUNATICS, AFTER CHECKING OUT ‘EFFIN FREAKS LIKE JOE THE PLUMBER AND JOHN BOLTON, YOU’RE NOW QUALIFIED TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT ON THE REPUBLICAN PLATFORM.” 

“ATTENTION ALL CPAC ATTENDEES, IT’S TIME FOR YOUR MEDS.”

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BLOGWORTHIES:

Dave Lindorff: at BuzzFlash on Obama’s Address to Congress – Transformative Lite?

The New Clean Coal Air Freshener, at One Good Move.

Slumdog Governor, at All Hat No Cattle, and Dan Kurtzman with the Bobby Jindal/Kenneth the Page comparisons.

John Amato on Who Will Become the Key Spokespersons for Obama Administration.

“I DON’T WANT THE GOVERNMENT WASTING MY HARD-EARNED MONEY ON A STIMULUS PACKAGE, WHEN I CAN USE A TAX  CUT TO STIMULATE MY OWN PACKAGE AT THE LOCAL STRIP JOINT.”

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Norm Jenson has The Daily Show on Joe The Political Strategist, and Lisa Casey has that other genius, Sarah Palin, on the stimulus.

And on a more serious note, Christine Bowman at BuzzFlash on the Lesson To Be Learned From the Stimulus Wrangling: The GOP Will Be Known By That Which They Destroy.

“NOW, HARD WORKIN’ FELLAS LIKE JOHN TANNER AND BRADLEY SCHLOZMAN WERE JUST FOLLOWIN’ DIRECTIONS IN TRYING TO REPEAL THE 13TH, 14TH AND 15TH AMENDMENTS. BUT UNFORTUNATELY, THEY DIDN’T DRINK ENOUGH BLACK COFFEE, AND FELL ASLEEP ON THE JOB.”

Story at TPM.

Staying on topic, Mark Crispin Miller at BuzzFlash on Supreme Court’s plan to kill the Voting Rights Act. 

And Lisa Casey has the latest insanity from Clueless Joe.

“I’LL BE THERE SOMETIME BETWEEN 9 AND 5 ON THE 12th OF ARMAGEDDON.”

’3 A.M. Phone Call Ad’ Wins Hillary the Presidency, of OnStar

Baseball Decrees the Steroid Age the ‘Shrunken Ball Era’

The Legend of Fred Thompson: A Politician Turned Actor Who Couldn’t Play a Candidate on TV

Evangelicals Claim Prop 8 Protects the Sanctity of Marriages Performed by Elvises in Vegas Chapels

Accused in Hate Crime Plea Bargains Down to ‘Spite’

Famed Photog Annie Leibovitz Uses Negatives to Capture McCain’s Campaign

Iraq Celebrates 5th Anniversary by Re-Gifting Democracy

Rudy Giuliani Reveals His Feet Are Two Different Sizes: a ’9′ and an ’11′

Co-Founder of Slinky Dies, After Falling Down Steps

Pollsters Admit Flaws in Methodology: ‘Exit Polls’ Conducted at Entrances

Sarah Palin Touts Her Experience as a ‘Closet Organizer’

Satirists Riot Over The New Yorker Obama Cartoon

Americans Strongly Believe in God, But One That Only Controls the Outcome of Sporting Events

Due to Snowstorm, Premature Ejaculation Clinic Operating on a 5 Minute Delay

Huckabee Declares He’s Ready to be President From ‘Day Six,’ Literally

Spitzer Scandal Spurs Call for Reform: Public Financing of Hookers

Christian Right Condemns Gay Adoption of Highways

FOX News Blames Obama for Nigerian Spam

Time-Life Issues the Definitive Collection of ‘Bush Scandals’

Sarah Palin Establishes a New ‘Crack in the WOODEN FLOOR’

Stood Up by ‘Joe the Plumber,’ McCain Campaigns with ‘Janitor in a Drum’

Iraqi Shoe Thrower Receives a ‘Seinfeld Sentence’ — Has to Serve as Bush’s Butler (and Shoeshine man)

A Sign of the Times: E*Trade Baby Leaps to Death From His Crib

McCain Claims ‘Multiple House Story’ Helps Him With Mormons

Sarah Palin Takes Phone Call from Napoleon Bonaparte

U.S. Finally Greeted as Liberators, by Wall Street

Lesson Learned: Auto Executives Make Return Trip to D.C. in Flintstones Car

An Ominous Sign for the GOP: Even Mars Turns Blue

Bush’s ‘Mission Accomplished’ Finally Realized: Iraq in Better Shape Than U.S.

Sarah Palin’s Greatest ‘Gift’ to America: Ruining Thanksgiving

Treasury Gives Bailout to Sperm Banks, to Inject Liquidity Into Frozen Markets

Blagojevich, Preparing for the Worst, Plans to Sell His Own ‘Seat’ in Jail

Conspiracy Theory of ‘Second Shoe Thrower’ Raised by Abdul-liver Stone

Bernie Madoff’s Fraud Reaches Beyond Jewish Community: Ran Pyramid Scheme in Egypt

House of Tudor Lays Claim to Vacant NY Senate Seat

Cheney Voices Concern Biden Will Diminish the ‘Vice’ in Vice Presidency

GOP Realizes Its Worst Nightmare: Black Man Elected to Lead U.S. Out of The Dark Ages

Now its time to say goodbye, to Sarah and her kin.
She plans to do some studyin’, to find those Africans.
You’re all invited back, to see what she can do that’s dumber 
While she plots to run in two-oh- twelve with Mr. Joe the Plumber

For President, that is. Can’t spell, Takes her shoes off to count.

“JED CLAMPETT, WELCOME SIR. IS IT TRUE THAT JETHRO’S FIXIN’ TO VOTE FOR THAT PALIN WOMAN IN 2012.”

“MR. MATTHEWS, I GOTTA HAVE A LONG TALK WITH THAT BOY.”

“KEITH, JOE THE PLUMBER APPARENTLY HAD DOZENS OF T-SHIRTS IN EVERY COLOR … EXCEPT BLACK.”

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Who says political comedy is dead? Dan Kurtzman with Late-Night Comedians Herald Age of Obama.

“NOW WE ALL KNOW JOE IS NOT LICENSED TO DO ANY PLUMBING, BUT HE CAN STILL PICK UP A BROOM AND SWEEP THE GARBAGE OUT OF THE WHITE HOUSE.”

“WHY WAIT FOR 2012 TO SHOW THAT I’M THE ONE IN CHARGE OF ‘JOE THE WORKER BEES’.”