1. Thanks to your party’s economic policies, Joe Sixpack can barely afford a three-pack, and hockey moms are serving spaghetti and hockey pucks.

2. Talk about “naive,” I looked up the word in the dictionary today, and saw a picture of John McCain saying Iraq’ll be a cakewalk, and the fundamentals of the economy are strong.

3. You say “I don’t understand” — well, I understand enough to know that you don’t dig out of the ditch you and George Bush put this country in —  by driving down the same exact road. 

4. Now I hope you don’t ask the American people for a bailout, just because you’re getting a bad return on selling your soul.

5. Ladies and gentlemen, at this point, nobody knows John McCain, John McCain doesn’t know John McCain …  John McCain is no friend of yours.

“DON’T CHA’ THINK THE JOE SIXPACKS AND HOCKEY MOMS OF AMERICA WOULD PREFER A QUEEN LIKE ME, INSTEAD OF ONE WITH A MUSLIM NAME WHO ASKED ME TOUGHER QUESTIONS ON A COMEDY SHOW THAN THE REAL MODERATOR.”