The Satirical Political Report

"The Best Political REAM
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March 13th, 2010

Hilary Threatens Israel: We’ll Send Jimmy Carter to Build Your Settlements

“JIMMY WILL MAKE THE WALLS SO THIN … YOU’LL BE UP ALL NIGHT LISTENING TO YOUR  NEIGHBORS SCHTUPPING.”

March 10th, 2010

Israel To Build New Settlements, in the West WING!

Eli Yishai Interior Minister Eli Yishai

“JUST TO MAKE SURE IT WASN’T OFFENSIVE, WE MADE SURE TO ANNOUNCE IT WHILE BOTH OBAMA AND THE VICE PRESIDENT WERE OUT OF THE WHITE HOUSE.”

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Lisa Casey on the Rush out of this country.

Madkane with Liz Cheney: Chip Off The Old Crock.

P.M. Carpenter at BuzzFlash on Obama’s health-care blitz: a bittersweet war.

Michael Moore as Obama’s Chief-of-Staff? — at BartCopE.

June 10th, 2009

White House Emphatically Denies ‘Shoe Insult’ to Israelis

“LISTEN BIBI, I’M JUST PRACTICING THE ‘RECLINING POSITION’ FOR PASSOVER NEXT YEAR … IF I HAD INTENDED ANY OFFENSE, I WOULD HAVE BEEN IN STOCKINGED FEET, WEARING MY ‘TWO-STATE SOLUTION’ SOCKS.”

Story at HuffPost.

June 6th, 2009

Obama to Freeze West Bank Settlements, By Putting Fannie Mae in Charge

“FINALLY, WE’LL BE ABLE TO REALIZE THE DREAM OF JEWS AND PALESTINIANS LIVING SIDE BY SIDE … IN U.S.-GUARANTEED CARDBOARD BOXES.”

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P.M. Carpenter at BuzzFlash with Rightwingus Whackosus in the wild.

Lisa Casey with more on Obama’s settlement efforts.

Madkane on GM and Bankrupt Values.

January 26th, 2009

Obama Names George Mitchell to Investigate Steroid Use in the Middle East

“WE FIGURE IF WE CAN CUT DOWN ON ‘ROID RAGE IN THE MIDDLE EAST, WE’LL ONLY HAVE A FEW THOUSAND YEARS OF RELIGIOUS MISTRUST AND HATRED TO CONTEND WITH.”

January 23rd, 2009

Qaddafi Proposes Merger of Oval Office and Palestine: Ovaltine

“THIS WILL GIVE THE PALESTINIANS NOT ONLY THE WEST WING, BUT THE RIGHT OF RETURN TO THE ENTIRE DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA.” 

“It’s Bold, Jerry, Bold!

Qaddafi’s Slop-ed on Isratine, at The NY Times.

January 9th, 2009

Joe the Plumber Reveals His Itinerary for the Middle East

“I’LL BE THERE SOMETIME BETWEEN 9 AND 5 ON THE 12th OF ARMAGEDDON.”

January 8th, 2009

‘Reid My Flips’: Harry Hands His Senate Majority Post to Burris

“I’LL BE THE FIRST TO ADMIT I MADE THE BEST DEAL POSSIBLE — ROLAND IMMEDIATELY ASSUMES THE POST OF MAJORITY LEADER, AND I GET TO KEEP MY SEAT AT THE KIDDIE TABLE IN THE SENATE CAFETERIA.”

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BLOGWORTHIES:

BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin on Israel, Gaza, Grief, and Victimhood.

More reason for Congress’ low approval ratings, at All Hat No Cattle.

The Daily Show weighs in with Crisis in the Senate, at One Good Move.

As the Bush Reign of Error comes to a close, Dan Kurtzman has Top 25 Bush Comedy Videos and The 50 Dumbest Bush Quotes of All Time.

January 5th, 2009

Burris to Seek Chairmanship of Senate Ethics Committee

“FORGET ABOUT SEATING ME, BY THE TIME I’M FINISHED INVESTIGATING, THIS PLACE WILL HAVE MORE EMPTY SEATS THAN A DETROIT LIONS HOME GAME IN THE FOURTH QUARTER.”

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BLOGWORTHIES:

Meg White at BuzzFlash asks: Did the Reagan Revolution actually win?

Lisa Casey’s Gaza Strip Fashion Statement.

Lewis Black on The End of the Universe, at One Good Move.

October 28th, 2008

Joe the Plumber Claims HE’D Be Best for Israel

“SINCE EVERYONE KNOWS THE JEWS AIN’T TOO HANDY, I COULD MAKE AT LEAST $250K OVER THERE, JUST SHOWIN ‘EM HOW TO JIGGLE THE TOILET HANDLE.”

Story at Huffington Post.

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