“IT IS NOW BEING REPORTED THAT THE MAHATMA USED NEHRU’S WALKING STICK FOR ALMOST FIVE YEARS, BUT NEVER DECLARED IT AS INCOME ON HIS TAX RETURNS TO THE BRITISH CROWN.”

“THE EVIL-DOERS CROSSED THE DESERT ON CAMELS, AND CREATED A DISASTER ONLY HOLLYWOOD COULD RECREATE.”

“NOW, WHAT HAPPENS WHEN HILLARY’S FIRST PRIORITY IS TO REVISIT BOSNIA, TO GET EVEN WITH THOSE PHANTOM SNIPERS, AND OBAMA INSISTS ON USING HER TO PERSONALLY POLICE THE INDIAN-PAKISTANI BORDER?” 

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BLOGWORTHIES:

Lisa Casey on the “comings and goings” at the White House.

Juan Cole: Pakistani Reaganism Must End: The New Government must take on the Lashkar.

“NOBODY REALLY HEARD OF KASHMIR UNTIL IT WAS MADE FAMOUS BY LED ZEPPELIN, WHO ALSO ENCOURAGED THESE TERRORISTS WITH ‘STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN’.”

“IN ADDITION TO THE GAMING TABLES AND SLOT MACHINES, WE’RE PLANNING TO ADD ‘RUSSIAN ROULETTE’.”

“WE EXTEND OUR SYMPATHIES TO THE INDIAN PEOPLE. I JUST FIND IT CURIOUS THAT THE TERRORISTS DIDN’T TARGET A GAMBLING CASINO, OR A REALLY BIG CITY LIKE BOMBAY.”

“ACCORDING TO MY HIGH-LEVEL SOURCES IN THE PENTAGON, CHENEY ACTUALLY BELIEVED THE REAL BUSH WAS MORE OBEDIENT, BUT THAT THE SEAL WAS MORE COMPETENT TO CARRY OUT CHENEY’S PLAN OF GLOBAL DOMINATION.” 

[Think Progress with the real Cheney/Navy Seal Story.]

BLOGWORTHIES:

BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin: McCain the Maverick Guttersnipe Brings on the White Girls, the Black Guy and Race.

Jon Perr on “High Horse, Low Road”: Bush Was Right About McCain.

Juan Cole on Pakistani Intelligence Agency Linked to Indian Embassy Bombing.

And Congrats to Madkane! Bob Newhart Names “Mad” Kane Winner of 2008 Robert Benchley Society Award for Humor.

9. When your wife starts to play with your family jewels, you say “wait ’till after Bill Maher’s New Rules.”

8. You’ll root against a sports team just because they’re from a Red State.

7. When you ask someone their “sign,” you mean Jesus Fish or Darwin Fish.

6. You use “Picture-in-Picture” to watch Russert and Stephanopoulous.

5. You think the New York Times is really controlled by the Editorial Board of the Wall St. Journal.

4. Your idea of multitasking is reading Daily Kos while listening to NPR.

3. You’re all for “mixed marriages,” except for the one between Matalin and Carville.

2. You oppose capital punishment in all cases — with the possible exception of Chris Matthews.

1. Although you’re ACLU on personal privacy, you advocate warrantless strip searches of the Right-Wing Blondes — to check if their carpets really match their drapes.