“THAT SONUVABITCH ZUCKER WANTS TO REPLACE ME AS THE ‘LOGO’ WITH JAY LENO’S CHIN.”

“I REALLY ONLY DID IT TO RECOVER FROM A CLOSE ENCOUNTER WITH KRYPTONITE, BUT I STILL FEEL THAT MY ABILITY TO FLY AND SEE THROUGH PEOPLE’S CLOTHES AT THE AIRPORT WAS A GOD-GIVEN GIFT. BUT AS FOR MY MASKED FRIEND HERE, I THINK HE’D ADMIT HE DID IT TO INCREASE HIS BAT-SPEED.”

“FOR CHRISSAKES, MARK, WHEN YOU ‘CRY ME A RIVER,’ YOU REALLY AIN’T KIDDING.”

“TO HELL WITH SWIMMING, NEXT YEAR I’LL BE ENTERING THE CONEY ISLAND HOT DOG EATING CONTEST.”

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Lisa Casey has more on Mr. Phelps.