’3 A.M. Phone Call Ad’ Wins Hillary the Presidency, of OnStar

Baseball Decrees the Steroid Age the ‘Shrunken Ball Era’

The Legend of Fred Thompson: A Politician Turned Actor Who Couldn’t Play a Candidate on TV

Evangelicals Claim Prop 8 Protects the Sanctity of Marriages Performed by Elvises in Vegas Chapels

Accused in Hate Crime Plea Bargains Down to ‘Spite’

Famed Photog Annie Leibovitz Uses Negatives to Capture McCain’s Campaign

Iraq Celebrates 5th Anniversary by Re-Gifting Democracy

Rudy Giuliani Reveals His Feet Are Two Different Sizes: a ’9′ and an ’11′

Co-Founder of Slinky Dies, After Falling Down Steps

Pollsters Admit Flaws in Methodology: ‘Exit Polls’ Conducted at Entrances

Sarah Palin Touts Her Experience as a ‘Closet Organizer’

Satirists Riot Over The New Yorker Obama Cartoon

Americans Strongly Believe in God, But One That Only Controls the Outcome of Sporting Events

Due to Snowstorm, Premature Ejaculation Clinic Operating on a 5 Minute Delay

Huckabee Declares He’s Ready to be President From ‘Day Six,’ Literally

Spitzer Scandal Spurs Call for Reform: Public Financing of Hookers

Christian Right Condemns Gay Adoption of Highways

FOX News Blames Obama for Nigerian Spam

Time-Life Issues the Definitive Collection of ‘Bush Scandals’

Sarah Palin Establishes a New ‘Crack in the WOODEN FLOOR’

Stood Up by ‘Joe the Plumber,’ McCain Campaigns with ‘Janitor in a Drum’

Iraqi Shoe Thrower Receives a ‘Seinfeld Sentence’ — Has to Serve as Bush’s Butler (and Shoeshine man)

A Sign of the Times: E*Trade Baby Leaps to Death From His Crib

McCain Claims ‘Multiple House Story’ Helps Him With Mormons

Sarah Palin Takes Phone Call from Napoleon Bonaparte

U.S. Finally Greeted as Liberators, by Wall Street

Lesson Learned: Auto Executives Make Return Trip to D.C. in Flintstones Car

An Ominous Sign for the GOP: Even Mars Turns Blue

Bush’s ‘Mission Accomplished’ Finally Realized: Iraq in Better Shape Than U.S.

Sarah Palin’s Greatest ‘Gift’ to America: Ruining Thanksgiving

Treasury Gives Bailout to Sperm Banks, to Inject Liquidity Into Frozen Markets

Blagojevich, Preparing for the Worst, Plans to Sell His Own ‘Seat’ in Jail

Conspiracy Theory of ‘Second Shoe Thrower’ Raised by Abdul-liver Stone

Bernie Madoff’s Fraud Reaches Beyond Jewish Community: Ran Pyramid Scheme in Egypt

House of Tudor Lays Claim to Vacant NY Senate Seat

Cheney Voices Concern Biden Will Diminish the ‘Vice’ in Vice Presidency

GOP Realizes Its Worst Nightmare: Black Man Elected to Lead U.S. Out of The Dark Ages

The distingushed panel, known as “The Bubble Commission,” brought to bear their expertise in studying past bubbles, including the biblical Tower of Bubble and ancient Bubbleyonia.  Its main finding was that by living in a bubble himself for his entire Administration, and by aggressively using the power of the bubble pulpit, the President has effectively created a national bubble that rivals trapped greenhouse gases as a threat to our way of life.

The Bubble Commission took pains to point out that the “bubble bubble” was not limited to self-described Wall Street “Masters of the Universe,” but also affected bubble-gum chewing waitresses, who squandered their tips on high-risk stocks, instead of saving it for bubble bath to soothe their aching bones at the end of the day.

The panel also concluded that while most people are just starting to emerge from the bubble, both Bush and Cheney appear hopelessly trapped inside, as their exit interviews plainly indicate that they don’t know how to exit the bubble.

Indeed, even the original Bubble Boy from Seinfeld, who many blame for the housing bubble, has come out with a statement that he’d risk his life and leave his own bubble, in order to burst the bubble of Bush and Cheney, who “did more damage than even the Moops who invaded Spain in the 8th Century.”

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Buzzflash with Ann Davidow on A Nation of Bubbles, and Editor Mark Karlin speaks on It’s time to ban TV ads in elections.

Juan Cole with the latest on the al-Zaidi Shoe-Throwing Incident.

Hollywood Liberal with Chris Weigant: Make Wall Street Take The Same Deal The Autoworkers Get.

“KEITH, THE VICE PRESIDENT’S LEGAL ADVISOR, DAVID ADDINGTON, IS RELYING ON THE PRECEDENT OF IN RE HOTEL CALIFORNIA: CHENEY MAY CHECK OUT ANYTIME HE WANTS, BUT HE’LL … NEVER LEAVE.”

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BLOGWORTHIES:

BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin asks: Will U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald Be Re-appointed, Promoted, or Let Go?

Dan Savage, on Colbert, addresses the Proposition 8 Protests – at One Good Move.

Lisa Casey with a “Welcome Eviction.”

Dan Kurtzman on Barack Obama, the Comedian.

“I’M UNIQUELY QUALIFIED TO MEDIATE THIS DISPUTE, AS WELL AS TO ACT AS THE POSTER BOY FOR ‘CHANGE’ IN AN OBAMA ADMINISTRATION.”

“HEY CHILD, DON’T FORGET ABOUT ME!”

“I’M SHOCKED, SHOCKED! — TO FIND THAT GREEDY WALL STREET BASTARDS WOULD GAMBLE WITH THE WORLD’S ECONOMY.”

[Story at Huffington Post.]

“NOW, WE DON’T CONDONE THIS TYPE OF ACTIVITY. BUT EVER SINCE WALL STREET SOLD SECURITIZED PACKAGES OF THIS DEBT, EVERY AMERICAN NOW OWNS NOT ONLY FANNIE MAE, BUT A PIECE OF CRYSTAL … AND CRYSTAL METH.”

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Lisa Casey on the Bush “Dividend” from the Bailout.

TPM on “Mission Accomplished” — McCain Delays the Palin Troopergate Scandal until After the Election.