’3 A.M. Phone Call Ad’ Wins Hillary the Presidency, of OnStar

Baseball Decrees the Steroid Age the ‘Shrunken Ball Era’

The Legend of Fred Thompson: A Politician Turned Actor Who Couldn’t Play a Candidate on TV

Evangelicals Claim Prop 8 Protects the Sanctity of Marriages Performed by Elvises in Vegas Chapels

Accused in Hate Crime Plea Bargains Down to ‘Spite’

Famed Photog Annie Leibovitz Uses Negatives to Capture McCain’s Campaign

Iraq Celebrates 5th Anniversary by Re-Gifting Democracy

Rudy Giuliani Reveals His Feet Are Two Different Sizes: a ’9′ and an ’11′

Co-Founder of Slinky Dies, After Falling Down Steps

Pollsters Admit Flaws in Methodology: ‘Exit Polls’ Conducted at Entrances

Sarah Palin Touts Her Experience as a ‘Closet Organizer’

Satirists Riot Over The New Yorker Obama Cartoon

Americans Strongly Believe in God, But One That Only Controls the Outcome of Sporting Events

Due to Snowstorm, Premature Ejaculation Clinic Operating on a 5 Minute Delay

Huckabee Declares He’s Ready to be President From ‘Day Six,’ Literally

Spitzer Scandal Spurs Call for Reform: Public Financing of Hookers

Christian Right Condemns Gay Adoption of Highways

FOX News Blames Obama for Nigerian Spam

Time-Life Issues the Definitive Collection of ‘Bush Scandals’

Sarah Palin Establishes a New ‘Crack in the WOODEN FLOOR’

Stood Up by ‘Joe the Plumber,’ McCain Campaigns with ‘Janitor in a Drum’

Iraqi Shoe Thrower Receives a ‘Seinfeld Sentence’ — Has to Serve as Bush’s Butler (and Shoeshine man)

A Sign of the Times: E*Trade Baby Leaps to Death From His Crib

McCain Claims ‘Multiple House Story’ Helps Him With Mormons

Sarah Palin Takes Phone Call from Napoleon Bonaparte

U.S. Finally Greeted as Liberators, by Wall Street

Lesson Learned: Auto Executives Make Return Trip to D.C. in Flintstones Car

An Ominous Sign for the GOP: Even Mars Turns Blue

Bush’s ‘Mission Accomplished’ Finally Realized: Iraq in Better Shape Than U.S.

Sarah Palin’s Greatest ‘Gift’ to America: Ruining Thanksgiving

Treasury Gives Bailout to Sperm Banks, to Inject Liquidity Into Frozen Markets

Blagojevich, Preparing for the Worst, Plans to Sell His Own ‘Seat’ in Jail

Conspiracy Theory of ‘Second Shoe Thrower’ Raised by Abdul-liver Stone

Bernie Madoff’s Fraud Reaches Beyond Jewish Community: Ran Pyramid Scheme in Egypt

House of Tudor Lays Claim to Vacant NY Senate Seat

Cheney Voices Concern Biden Will Diminish the ‘Vice’ in Vice Presidency

GOP Realizes Its Worst Nightmare: Black Man Elected to Lead U.S. Out of The Dark Ages

“KEITH, THE VICE PRESIDENT’S LEGAL ADVISOR, DAVID ADDINGTON, IS RELYING ON THE PRECEDENT OF IN RE HOTEL CALIFORNIA: CHENEY MAY CHECK OUT ANYTIME HE WANTS, BUT HE’LL … NEVER LEAVE.”

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BLOGWORTHIES:

BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin asks: Will U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald Be Re-appointed, Promoted, or Let Go?

Dan Savage, on Colbert, addresses the Proposition 8 Protests – at One Good Move.

Lisa Casey with a “Welcome Eviction.”

Dan Kurtzman on Barack Obama, the Comedian.

“I’M UNIQUELY QUALIFIED TO MEDIATE THIS DISPUTE, AS WELL AS TO ACT AS THE POSTER BOY FOR ‘CHANGE’ IN AN OBAMA ADMINISTRATION.”

“HEY CHILD, DON’T FORGET ABOUT ME!”

“AND UNDER THE LEADERSHIP OF McCAIN-PALIN … WE’RE GONNA’ PARTY LIKE IT’S 1929.”

“THE PRICE OF GAS IN BAGHDAD IS LOWER, FEWER PEOPLE HAVE LOST THEIR HOMES, THEIR MINISTRY OF JUSTICE IS LESS POLITICIZED, AND THE IRAQI GOVERNMENT ACTUALLY HAS AN ‘EXIT PLAN’ FOR U.S. TROOPS.”

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BLOGWORTHIES:

Bill Moyers and Michael Winship: The Wave of “Capitol Crimes” Continues – at BuzzFlash.

Dan Kurtzman on the McCain Ad Linking Obama to Britney and Paris.

Bush tangled up in … yellow? — via Lisa Casey.

Cheech and Chong to Reunite for Comedy Tour, at Hollywood Liberal.