“THIS WAY, WE FEEL LIKE WE CAN STILL STAY IN CHARACTER.”

“WE HAVE NO FREAKIN’ PATIENCE FOR FROZEN PHONIES IN RED SUITS.”

Story at Crooks & Liars.

1. Thanks to your party’s economic policies, Joe Sixpack can barely afford a three-pack, and hockey moms are serving spaghetti and hockey pucks.

2. Talk about “naive,” I looked up the word in the dictionary today, and saw a picture of John McCain saying Iraq’ll be a cakewalk, and the fundamentals of the economy are strong.

3. You say “I don’t understand” — well, I understand enough to know that you don’t dig out of the ditch you and George Bush put this country in —  by driving down the same exact road. 

4. Now I hope you don’t ask the American people for a bailout, just because you’re getting a bad return on selling your soul.

5. Ladies and gentlemen, at this point, nobody knows John McCain, John McCain doesn’t know John McCain …  John McCain is no friend of yours.

“DON’T CHA’ THINK THE JOE SIXPACKS AND HOCKEY MOMS OF AMERICA WOULD PREFER A QUEEN LIKE ME, INSTEAD OF ONE WITH A MUSLIM NAME WHO ASKED ME TOUGHER QUESTIONS ON A COMEDY SHOW THAN THE REAL MODERATOR.”

“I’M NOT GONNA’ RESPOND TO THE CRISIS ABOUT THE MIDDLE EAST INSURRECTION; INSTEAD I’M GONNA’ DEAL WITH … A HOCKEY MOM’S YEAST INFECTION.”

“GEE WALLY, DOESN’T IT KINDA’ SUCK THE REPUBLICAN CANDIDATES HAVE THE PERSONALITY AND CHARACTER OF EDDIE HASKELL.”

“DO YOU SMELL THAT? I LOVE THE SMELL OF HOCKEY-MOM IMPLODING AFTER THE FAWNING.”

————————————————————————————–

BLOGWORTHIES:

BuzzFlash’s P.M. Carpenter asks the right question: Is It Obama vs. McCain, or Democrat vs. Republican?

Lisa Casey on the evolution of “Capitalism.”

Forget the “surge,” Madkane reminds us of McCain’s Memory Purge.

Norm Jenson with The Daily Show, and  Bill Clinton.

Wonkette on the latest Naderite excuse for risking yet another Apocalypse.

“IT’S TRUE, INITIALLY I DID CIRCUMVENT THE INTERNET, BUT NOW MY FAVORITE WEBSITE IS HOCKEYMILFS.COM.”

Sam Stein at HuffPost with the real story.

$149 — 43 boxes of Mooseburger Helper

$289 – Christian Dior ’Pit Bull’ Lipstick 

$666 – eBay bid for a James Dobson autographed copy of How to Convert a Gay Jew.

$213 — Cans of Lighter Fluid, for book-burnings in backyard

$487 — Hockey sticks for clubbing baby seals

$17.99 — A copy of Karl Rove’s Vindictive Firing of Government Employees for Dummies  

$37 — Olive oil for salads (No Extra Virgin for daughter Bristol)

$69 — Pornographic Pay-Per-View  movies, including Come All Yee Faithful, and Who’s Your Holy Daddy?

$586 – 22 copies of the King James Bible, for every nightstand, TV stand, and bathroom in the house 

$4000 — Sarah Palin’s Dental Bridge, for side of mouth where she doesn’t even chew

$956 — Home Office Supplies for writing Palin’s Autobiography — A Journey From Juneau to Juno to Jew-No

——————————————————————————-

BLOGWORTHIES:

MSNBC on Just Who is Sarah Palin? — at One Good Move.

Part 2 of BuzzFlash series on Republicans’ Class War.

Lisa Casey with Obama’s New Campaign Strategy.

Top 10 Dumbest Sarah Palin Quotes, via Dan Kurtzman.

“YOU’RE RIGHT, KEITH, FOR NOW ON, I’M GONNA’ TELL THE AMERICAN PEOPLE THAT IF THEY ELECT McCAIN AND MS. HOCKEY MOM … THIS COUNTRY’S GOING STRAIGHT TO H-E-DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS.”

[Crooks & Liars has the Countdown Interview.]

——————————————————————————————————————————–

BLOGWORTHIES:

The GOP’s Close Encounters with the Truth, by P.M. Carpenter at BuzzFlash.

Lisa Casey with the ‘Ghost of Hellish Present.’

John Amato at Crooks & Liars on “Policies Before Personalities.”

Dan Kurtzman with The Week’s Best Late-Night Jokes.

Chris Matthews off the rails again, dubbing Palin “a conservative version” of “Norma Rae” — at Media Matters.