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The Satirical Political Report

"The Best Political REAM
on the Internet."



January 23rd, 2009

Carolyn McCarthy Challenges Kirsten Gillibrand to a Duel

“JUST TO PROVE I PLAY FAIR, I’LL LET KIRSTEN USE GOVERNOR PATERSON TO CHOOSE, CLEAN AND LOAD HER WEAPON.”

January 22nd, 2009

Caroline Kennedy Declares Her Candidacy for Chief Justice

“I’M MUCH BETTER SUITED FOR THAT JOB. SINCE I’M A BIT SHY I’LL ONLY HAVE TO RECITE 39 WORDS EVERY FOUR YEARS, AND I THINK I CAN ‘FAITHFULLY EXECUTE’ THAT TASK — EVEN IF I ADD THE WORDS ‘YA KNOW’.”

January 3rd, 2009

Caroline’s Competitors Claim She’s a ‘Ya Know It-All’

“WELL, YA’ KNOW, I KNEW ENOUGH, TO, YA’ KNOW, KNOW THAT YA’ DON’T HAVE TO KNOW ROCKET SCIENCE TO OPPOSE THE IRAQ WAR, SUPPORT BARACK OBAMA FOR PRESIDENT AND, YA’ KNOW,  KNOW THAT EVERY OTHER PERSON MIXED UP IN THIS PROCESS GOT THERE NOT BY WHAT THEY KNOW, BUT BY KNOWING THEIR FATHER OR HUSBAND.”

Politico.com on the, ya’ know, story.