"The Best Political REAM
on the Internet."
“SINCE EVEN OUR REGRESSIVE POLICIES CAN’T LITERALLY BRING US BACK IN TIME, THE BEST WE CAN DO IS FOLLOW RICK PERRY’S LEAD AND START ANOTHER SECESSION.”
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Funny or Die’s Presidential Reunion, at One Good Move.
Mitt vs. The Talking Hand, at All Hat No Cattle.
“ACCORDING TO MY CALCULATIONS, USING IRRATIONAL NUMBERS, IF THE DEMOCRATS DON’T DELIVER ON THEIR PROMISES BASED ON REPUBLICAN OBSTRUCTION , WE WICKED PISSA ON OURSELVES BY ELECTING THOSE SAME WICKED REPUBLICANS.”
“IF IT’S GOOD ENOUGH FOR US, EVERY CITIZEN SHOULD HAVE ACCESS TO THE SAME PROCEDURE.”
“OK, YOU CAN EITHER EXERCISE THE PUBLIC OPTION WITHIN THIS TIGHT LITTLE AREA, OR YOU CAN HAVE A LITTLE TOY PUBLIC OPTION.”
“WE’RE PREPARED TO ERECT LEVEES AROUND SENATOR LANDRIEU TO PROTECT HER FROM RIGHT-WING ATTACKS, AND TO ACTUALLY MAKE A GENDER CHANGE TO THE LINCOLN MEMORIAL TO PLACATE THE SENATOR FROM ARKANSAS.”
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BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin on the “Greatest” healthcare system’s need to “erect” more nurses.
“LITTLE DO THEY KNOW IT, BUT REPUBLICANS ACTUALLY HAVE THE VOTES TO LIMIT HEALTH INSURANCE TO BAD NECKS … AS A RESULT OF CAR ACCIDENTS OR CUNNILINGUS.”
[A summary of last nite's Curb here.]
“IF THE INSURANCE COMPANIES CAN PROVE THEY’VE SOLD ABORTION RIDERS, THEN ABORTED COVERAGE IN CASES OF PREGNANCY, WE’LL THEN CONSIDER GOVERNMENT SUBSIDIES FOR FORCING A WOMAN TO HAVE THE CHILD THROUGH A PUBIC OPTION.”
Demonstrating the power of the new Catholic catechism, “Yes We Can Reverse History,” Pope Bendict XVI has embarked on an ambitious crusade that makes American health reform seem as trivial as a routine prostate exam — the “Reformation Reformation.”
Exploiting the angst of many Anglican clergy over that Church’s admittance of female priests and openly gay bishops, the Pope has invited Anglican priests to convert to Catholicism so they can escape such blasphemies, and instead concentrate on secret liaisons with pre-pubescent altar boys and fellow closeted gay priests.
Meeting with the Catholic Archbishop of Westminister, the Anglican Archbishop of Canterbury hailed the accord as heralding “the biggest conversion since Sammy Davis, Jr. went over to the Jews, or better yet, since ‘Jews for Jesus’ came out for Richard Nixon.”
While the most controversial issue revolves around the treatment of married Anglican priests who seek to join the Catholic Church, the Vatican has hinted at a possible compromise: such clergy will be allowed to retain their married status, as long as they submit to castration.
Besides this stealth takeover of the Anglican Church, Pope Bendict has also, as part of his ultra-conservative agenda, announced plans to re-try Galileo, reinstitute the Spanish Inquisition, remove all references to “Martin Luther’s 95 theses” from Wikipedia, and perhaps most importantly, destroy all recordings of Herman Hermit’s I’m Henry the VIII, I am.”
“MR. PRESIDENT, WE’LL SUPPORT YOUR PLAN FOR A PUBLIC OPTION, AS LONG AS WE CAN SECURITIZE IT, DERIVATIVIZE IT, AND TRADE IT AS OPTIONS … AND THEN SELL WHAT’S LEFT AS ‘SUB-PRIME HEALTH INSURANCE’ TO THE SAME POOR SHMUCKS WHO BOUGHT OUR WORTHLESS MORTGAGES.”
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BLOGWORTHIES:
Lisa Casey on The Great White Dopes, and BuzzFlash’s P.M. Carpenter on the Great GOP Freak Show.
Juan Cole on the latest chaos in Afghanistan.
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